"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough Without ever having felt sorry for itself."
- D. H. Lawrence
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
Clue: I seem to feel safest when I am alone. Have no memories of feeling safe as a child. When I used to drive to the Fort Wayne airport at 2AM and play Pong, all alone…I think I felt safe, but lonely. When I visited my best friend from high school during the age of 20, I would fall asleep on her couch and I think I felt safe.
Once in Ann Arbor, MI, I got on the wrong bus and it had to drop me off at the end of the line, in a field. I walked deep into the field and felt so…safe.
Must ponder this more.
10 comments:
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
- D. H. Lawrence
Fifty-two years old and I am still searching for that one thing that escapes my grasp. It is a feeling I have always wanted. I want to feel safe. I never feel safe. My deep breaths are never deep enough. I go through each day whether I am strapped in my power chair or in an ICU at a hospital and I can’t get that feeling.
What do I want? How do I know what “safe” feels like? When have I felt it? I dread outages, new caregivers, my partner’s poor health attacks, foul weather…much I dread.
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