Taking away your aging parent's car keys is one of the most traumatic experiences either of you will go through, but it may have to be done. I, living 2,000 miles away, would get information about my mother's driving abilities---and it was not good.
Now, some of the info came from her aunt (Aunt Vi) who is 21 years OLDER than my mom, Aunt Vi was always an overly cautious driver and her vision was very poor. But one year I got info from a young, bright, relative who said she had just witnessed my mother driving straight through a red light.
I would bring up the subject that one day, Mom, you will have to stop driving and how will you deal with that? It was laughed off as being true, but too far off to think about now.
May I (well, my blog, so I will) tell you: Keep in mind that if a lawyer can establish that YOU knew of your parent's poor driving due to cognitive aging issues and someone is hurt (or worse killed) because of it, then YOU could be held accountable.
Your parents watched over you as you grew up. They made you put on your hat, take your medicine; it was their job. Now you have a job and they deserve your best. (Even if they treated you poorly, don't let them continue that now.) If talking doesn't work (and prepare for their fears, get some plans in mind for a way for them to get food, visit friends, go to church, continue their lives---if YOU need help with that aspect, then talk to a social worker, free in many areas) then a call to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles is in order. They can send a letter to your folks requesting a test. They can revoke your parent's license and you are not the bad guy.
Remember how your parents (and probably you with your kids) made up stories about Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc.? They were making a fun, understandable world for you, now you must reverse that role. "I've heard the DMV does that sometimes."
Aunt Vi went through all the aging stages, this one included, kicking and screaming all the way. You have to be tough. You want them safe. They would do the same for you.
I am always shocked at how long adult children wait to begin these conversations with their parents. The sooner you start, the better. Start at least thinking about it. Have a plan. Keep them, you, and the rest of us safe.
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Taking away your aging parent's car keys is one of the most traumatic experiences either of you will go through, but it may have to be done. I, living 2,000 miles away, would get information about my mother's driving abilities---and it was not good.
Now, some of the info came from her aunt (Aunt Vi) who is 21 years OLDER than my mom, Aunt Vi was always an overly cautious driver and her vision was very poor. But one year I got info from a young, bright, relative who said she had just witnessed my mother driving straight through a red light.
I would bring up the subject that one day, Mom, you will have to stop driving and how will you deal with that? It was laughed off as being true, but too far off to think about now.
May I (well, my blog, so I will) tell you: Keep in mind that if a lawyer can establish that YOU knew of your parent's poor driving due to cognitive aging issues and someone is hurt (or worse killed) because of it, then YOU could be held accountable.
Your parents watched over you as you grew up. They made you put on your hat, take your medicine; it was their job. Now you have a job and they deserve your best. (Even if they treated you poorly, don't let them continue that now.) If talking doesn't work (and prepare for their fears, get some plans in mind for a way for them to get food, visit friends, go to church, continue their lives---if YOU need help with that aspect, then talk to a social worker, free in many areas) then a call to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles is in order. They can send a letter to your folks requesting a test. They can revoke your parent's license and you are not the bad guy.
Remember how your parents (and probably you with your kids) made up stories about Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc.? They were making a fun, understandable world for you, now you must reverse that role. "I've heard the DMV does that sometimes."
Aunt Vi went through all the aging stages, this one included, kicking and screaming all the way. You have to be tough. You want them safe. They would do the same for you.
I am always shocked at how long adult children wait to begin these conversations with their parents. The sooner you start, the better. Start at least thinking about it. Have a plan. Keep them, you, and the rest of us safe.
Taking away your aging parent's car keys is one of the most traumatic experiences either of you will go through, but it may have to be done. I, living 2,000 miles away, would get information about my mother's driving abilities---and it was not good.
Now, some of the info came from her aunt (Aunt Vi) who is 21 years OLDER than my mom, Aunt Vi was always an overly cautious driver and her vision was very poor. But one year I got info from a young, bright, relative who said she had just witnessed my mother driving straight through a red light.
I would bring up the subject that one day, Mom, you will have to stop driving and how will you deal with that? It was laughed off as being true, but too far off to think about now.
May I (well, my blog, so I will) tell you: Keep in mind that if a lawyer can establish that YOU knew of your parent's poor driving due to cognitive aging issues and someone is hurt (or worse killed) because of it, then YOU could be held accountable.
Your parents watched over you as you grew up. They made you put on your hat, take your medicine; it was their job. Now you have a job and they deserve your best. (Even if they treated you poorly, don't let them continue that now.) If talking doesn't work (and prepare for their fears, get some plans in mind for a way for them to get food, visit friends, go to church, continue their lives---if YOU need help with that aspect, then talk to a social worker, free in many areas) then a call to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles is in order. They can send a letter to your folks requesting a test. They can revoke your parent's license and you are not the bad guy.
Remember how your parents (and probably you with your kids) made up stories about Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc.? They were making a fun, understandable world for you, now you must reverse that role. "I've heard the DMV does that sometimes."
Aunt Vi went through all the aging stages, this one included, kicking and screaming all the way. You have to be tough. You want them safe. They would do the same for you.
I am always shocked at how long adult children wait to begin these conversations with their parents. The sooner you start, the better. Start at least thinking about it. Have a plan. Keep them, you, and the rest of us safe.
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