Tiller Killer. Fanatics Murder in Place of Worship

Kansas abortion clinic doctor, George Tiller was gunned down while ushering in his church today. A suspect is under investigation and many cry out, "He deserved it!"

Religious fanatics must not be allowed to believe that they own America.

"Today we mourn the loss of our husband, father and grandfather. Today's event is an unspeakable tragedy for all of us and for George's friends and patients. This is particularly heart wrenching because George was shot down in his house of worship, a place of peace.
We would like to express the family's thanks for the many messages of sympathy from our friends and from all across the nation. We also want to thank the law enforcement officers who are investigating this crime.
Our loss is also a loss for the City of Wichita and women across America. George dedicated his life to providing women with high-quality heath care despite frequent threats and violence. We ask that he be remembered as a good husband, father and grandfather and a dedicated servant on behalf of the rights of women everywhere." Tiller's widow.-

Viewpointe on Queen Anne in Seattle, Retirement at its Best with Assisted Living Too

The time will come when choices must be made about where you or a loved one must live due to age, loss of family, need of physical assistance, or the deisre to retire within the walls of a community where there will be help with daily living activities when you need it.
The best time to begin thinking about such a move is while you still are of sound mind and strong will. Knowing I had multiple sclerosis, a chronic, progessive disease without a cure, I began thinking about my possibilities soon after my diagnosis. Hope for the best--prepare for the worst.
When my partner began developing more chronic, progressive, no-cure conditions, my search took more focused research. Luckily, I live in a big city, Seattle, Washington, and there are many choices in the area of homes for people like us.

It used to be such places had one name:nursing home. But over the years, our society has redefined such places, each has its own niche. It used to be simple. If you were independent, you lived in your own home, or moved to a retirement community. If you needed a little help with personal care, and your meals provided, you went into board and care. If you needed quite a bit of help with personal care, or skilled nursing care, you went into a nursing home.In the last several decades, the senior and disabled housing has developed many more options for care from specialized nursing homes to types of assisted living. It’s good for consumers, and a sign of hope to the aging, that we have more good choices for care, but it has also led to a huge responsibility to research, visit, and find the right home before you spend money moving. (There are also many options if one wants to stay in their own home---but that is just not always possible.)

My criteria was: A place in Seattle, the city I love and call home.
Assisted living aides available.
Prepared meals.
ADA compliant, a large bathroom.
Activities (A weight room would be great.) Card games, my fun passion.
DIVERSITY of residents, all races, creeds, sexual orientations.
Van services
Housekeeping
Affordable and well-kept.

I visited several places and fell in love with one that met my criteria and more so!
Then I waited, watched their web site, called yearly to check prices and vacancies. I also checked out newly built places and spoke to group homes. But I kept coming back to Charlie at the Viewpointe on Queen Anne. Charlie spoke of their family at the Viewpointe, locally owned and operated. He was welcoming and answered my questions before I asked.

If you follow my blog, then you know the move was sudden. Charlie helped us all the way. My M.D. was impressed that I had prepared as much as I had (he knows the health obstacles my partner and I face) and told how few people are ready, which leads to confusion and depression and bad feelings. (Especially if a family member has to step in and make all the decisions.) I never could have imagined how quickly my life turned and that the move was so immediately necessary.

So, here we are. And it is all I had hoped for. There is a true family feeling here, the good feelings and the family kooks! (Who doesn’t have those? Haha) The views are beautiful as we sit above Seattle and next to Lake Union. Residents have planted many flowers, there is a greenhouse here. There is a mini-GYM, with weights, exercise bikes/walkers and equipment. A visiting massage therapist and foot clinic is located at “the gym.”

There is bridge, Catholic communion Sunday morning and poker at night! A pet bird, fish, POOL TABLE, computers, a library, hair salon, BISTRO (did I mention I love coffee?), van service plus a bus, driver by a former cab driver so he knows ALL the best streets. Best of all I love the diversity of people here. We seem to be some of the youngest here and we do get the once over in our power chairs, but mostly we have been treated kindly and with open minds.

One day a new city park will be developed next door. A bus stops on the street out front. There is a sing-a-long, bingo (Of Course!) and resident council meetings (always a good sign that mgmnt is willing to hear us out, and just good to rant sometimes), cable TV included and all utilities except phone.

Yes, I think it is the best retirement and assisted living place in the area. If you need such a new home in the Seattle area or you have parents who do---give Charlie a call 206-282-2737 and he will invite you for lunch! (He loves to show off the place.)

You can also check out their web site at http://www.theviewpointe.com/about.html Greatest choice of floor plans in Seattle! (Did I mention the trips to local art museums, concerts, and casinos?)

For my age this place is perfect. I hope I will watch the sunrise and set here, for a very long time.

Natural Help with Fibromyalgia Book

I know there are many treatments for FMS and like MS, none helps all, but here is another book that offers more suggestions. http://www.fibromyalgianatural.com/ Read it, see a Dr., survive as best you can. One of my tweets (Now I have Tweets AND Peeps...no bow wows?) wrote it.

Bridge for This Dummy, Too Old to Hold

Last night I atteneded a bridge workshop at my new home. Online I am usually cussed out by my partners (except in Canada, where they are much nicer---they just leave.). There is a weekly bridge game here and I am anxious to play cards again, but Euchre is really my game and nobody out west seems to know it. Well, nobody cussed at me, but if their eyes could speak...LOL

Really I had fun, but I need to read "Bridge for Dummies," before I dive in again. Calculus was easier.

I also discovered that I can no longer hold a hand of cards very well. Guess I need to buy a card holder. An old body at 52---golly woppers!

Sen. Ed Kennedy: Obama's Health Care Reform

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2009/05/28/health_bill_would_fix_whats_broken/

Hidden Cameras See You 1984

Some cities are installing cameras around town. (? Cities…towns?) (I digress.) The idea is to take a bite out of crime. (I’d rather have pizza, but that’s just me.)

Now once in a while I watch reality TV shows, like Survivor every week, Ellen every day, Grey’s Anatomy (It IS REAL! STOP), Big World Little People---cameras on these people 23/7 (I am spared bathroom breaks, that is left for P Diddy or Puff Daddy or Pee Sean, can’t keep track, on YouTube.) and I am fascinated by human behaviour. Apparently, I never left the “Why?” stage of my childhood development. BUT, I digress. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a camera on me all the time.

It seems a no-brainer (Hey! With my MS that is where I’m headed! Or, beheaded also does the trick---ick.) if a camera is on us we no longer feel alone with our true selves. Will be in a new reality then? A reality of a person who is having an out-of-body experience? We might constantly be watching ourselves. OH! The horror! Wasn’t there a guy who fell in his own water reflection and drowned in the sea of narcissism?

And who, pray tell, will be monitoring all the cameras that will be watching us? I’ve seen the minimum wage security guards zooming in on pretty ladies. 1984 is in the past, right? Maybe the police see this new “film the citizens” as payback for having squad car dashboard cameras catch them beating up weaponless people, or playing guilty by being black.

At my last job with the city of Seattle management had just installed a computer monitoring system where the bosses could hear your every phone call and watch your every keystroke.

Gee, problem was the bosses were swamped doing THEIR JOBS and had no time to watch eighty employees. Of course, we all knew the intention was to use it to focus on employees that bosses wanted to get rid of. Not, (as recordings tell us on phone trees) to “…assure quality service.” I once asked for a copy of my call with a cable company rep., but after being transferred around (probably across the globe!) a supervisor told me it wasn’t on at that time due to repairs. Hahahaha

How HAS the new “on tape 24/7” changed us? I’m thinking right now someone is peering at me from a big church miles from here, with a big telescope. That really cracks me up because I am so boring. Although, I did and always have waved at planes when they fly overhead. (HEY! I’m just the messenger and don’t EVEN tell me you never did it.) (Seriously?)

Oh, what, me worry? Is it any different than people watching---that tried and true pasttime? Nanny cams, traffic cams, bald eagle nest cams, are we getting used to watching and being watched? When I take myself outside my body (no, I haven’t been drinking) I freak myself out and become ultra aware which changes my behavior…or does it? Will it?

Young, Disabled, and Retired: Finding Family

Today started out with a 6AM call after 10hrs of fasting. It is so nice to have the use of the van from my new home. The driver used to be a taxi driver and he is easy-going and knows a lot about Seattle. It is always an educational experience. My new power chair fits much better on this van. I love it.

Blood was drawn today and I sought out my favorite vampire, she gets my little veins on the first try and I never felt a thing. After finishing with the doctor visit a friend, who accompanied me, and I sat on the steps of an old, beautiful Baptist church; we were searching for a drop of sun.

Back home it was lunchtime. My partner and I ate at a new table with our names on it. Lunch was delicious minestrone soup, chicken salad sandwich and melons. I skipped the ice cream dessert. (My partner was feeling strong enough to make it through the lunch and she NEEDS the extra weight.)

A brief stop by a bridge player was next, to find out what type of bridge is played at my new home. (Bridge is not my game, but I've always wanted to learn and when in Rome...) It is contract bridge.

The apt. was cleaned today and I bought green-cleaning products for the housekeeper, because her toxic products were killing us. My comment to "go green" was placed in the lobby comment box. Companies should get tax breaks for going green since the products are currently more expensive. IMO

Exercises were cut back today since the goings on wore me out. Tomorrow. I am ready to set days for my Craig's list volunteers to meet me and decide if they really want to go through with helping me walk.

Dinner was stuffed tortellini with delicious zucchini and an eclair. Sigh...I ate the eclair. I wonder what statin I'll start? Now it is almost 7PM and I want to write on my story a bit, play Jeopardy w/partner, and study a free map we got from Doctors Without Borders. We both are not up on our geography and getting slammed down on Jeopardy.

I once feared having to live in an assisted living or retirement home, but this one has a real family feeling to it and now I fear having to leave it. And on goes life.

The Best Fibromyalgia Doctor Teaches Us.

Farrah Bananas Son with 90% Cure Rate Cancer

Mother takes her son away because he doesn't want more chemo and she believes in natural therapies. Now, WE will put her in jail if we find her. GIMME A BREAK. This is America, I thought we were the home of the free? Doctors can dictate what drugs we take and if we take them? QUALITY OF LIFE matters a lot to some people. Leave them alone. She seems like a loving parent; the dad seems cool with it. LEAVE THEM ALONE. We can't save every kid from what some of us think is stupidity.

North Korea makes a working nuclear weapon. Hey, GW Bush, did you waste your time, our lives and money on wrong country? Just asking. Will we go back to building bomb shelters now and teaching kids to go under their desks? (Yeah, that will help a lot.) Obama, time to talk to NK.
And just FYI, what makes us think only WE (the USA) can have such weapons? Like WE are the moral authority. PLEEZZZZ We can't even stop killing each other in our own towns. We still can't give equal rights to ALL our citizens. We are close to having one media, one voice, and Ben Franklin is turning over in his grave.

We are safer? HA HA HA Even the Queen is at risk. Beef Eaters indeed. Millions spent on airport security machines that don't work. A medicare program that is breaking the piggy banks of seniors and disabled. Teens POISONING their teachers. We have become a bunch of twitting/facebooking/blogging/myspacing dopes. OK, I'm in a bad mood today. Blame it on the MS.

Farrah is going to die of cancer like thousands do every year. People are so "moved" by her story. WALK DOWN YOUR STREET there are Farrah's all around you, all fighting to live with a death sentence and they don't have Farrah's money to fly around the world for the best treatments and relaxing vacations. So don't cry for Farrah, cry for your co-worker, your relative, your friends, is there ANYBODY out there who doesn't know someone with cancer??
The treatment is barbaric, you lose your hair, you vomit, you feel like sh&*. And the last thing you can do is what TV and movies show: trips around the world.

Susan Boyle: Love her, the whole story, her song choices, an ordinary person taking the leap and doing something extraordinary. Life is so short and some of us have spent most of our lives doing for others and putting our dreams on the back burner. Many of us will die that way, never getting or taking the leap. Such a waste. And so we rejoice that one of us made it OUT.

New perk!! Your brain surgery can go on UTube. Woo hoo. Holy drill, GIMME A BREAK (Though I am sooo there.)

Every day I am one key stroke away from deleting my blog and all I've written will be forgotten in a few minutes or days at most. My life a delete away. It tempts me every day.

OK, back to trying to walk. A friend comes shortly to begin. I've had my coffee and am ready, but no banana today, nobody told me we were about to run out. Maybe I can barter with one of my neighbors. %^&*( This is the downside to not being able to move at will---you never know what the hell goes on in the next room, can't see yourself in the high mirrors or the empty banana bowl.

Attacking People with Disabilities, Don't Let the Karma Door Hit You in the Back as You Leave

A blind woman was attacked, sucker-punched by a man who walked onto a Metro bus in Seattle. A man in a wheel chair was stun-gunned in his own home by two burglars. The nut-job on the bus shouted out, "The sick must die!"

Thankfully the burglars were caught and other bus riders bravely held down the attacker.

Once I was walking down a steep Seattle hill downtown, with my friend.co-worker, and she says to me, "I bet I could make you walk faster!" Then she acted like she was going to push me. I had only been diagnosed a few years, used a cane, and going downhill was harder than going up. She really scared me, and I'm not easily scared.

Later I would think about that day and how cruel she had been. We didn't stay friends for very long after that. Easy to pick on us. Nut-jobs.

Gynecologist War Hero

One week after I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis I was in the middle of a routine pap smear when my MD shouted, “It’s huge!” He swiftly followed that with, “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Ten minutes later I walked across the street to a gynecologist’s office. The doctor took me in right away and had his nurse put me in the stirrups again. He was an older man, stocky, gray-haired, with a gruff voice. As he pulled on his gloves I asked, “Do I have to be examined again?” He stopped dead and said, “Well, I’m going to be the one doing any surgery.” Then he proceeded; it took less than two minutes.
“You have a large uterine tumor,” he said without looking at me. (My mind was thinking: “I can’t. I just got MS.”) “What will you do?” I asked in my state of partial consciousness.
“I’ll take it out!” He seemed insulted by the question, but my best was coming. “At Ballard Hospital?” I asked. (It was right across the street.)“Yes,” he said sharply. (My mind is now thinking of all the proper questions one must ask before surgery.)
“Do you consider it a good hospital?” Again he stood straight and looked right into my eyes. “Well, I should hope so! I’m the chief of staff.” (OK, good answer.) “Have you done this surgery before?” (hold it…hold it…)“I did 6 this morning,” he was still locking eyes with me and I loved it.
Later I would learn he was Irish, like me, and an honest straight-shooter, like me---yes, we hit it off. The hysterectomy was preformed successfully the following week. The tumor was indeed huge, almost 4-month old baby big. My incision was large, but I healed quickly.
He would on that same day deliver several babies and after seeing him for a decade, every year and two more surgeries for ovarian cancer, I heard his stories.
He began as a doctor in WWII and there were not enough antibiotics, so often all he could do was give morphine and zip up the body bags. He had a loving wife and highly regarded daughters in their field. His son bears his name. His office was filled with their pictures. When I recited the Gettysburg address as he did each pelvic exam, he never mentioned it.And he had a dry wit that I loved. I wondered how a man stays sane after being a doctor in a war, surrounded by the injured whom he can not help.
Then I realized what he had done. He became a gyno/obstetrician. How poetic, to spend his remaining years bring forth life. I’m sure he sleeps soundly. This is a hero. He did what had to be done; he comforted suffering men. He resumed, and became the master of, his future by doing work that saved lives.
War heroes are not just those who served, but those who returned to face the ugliness and pain and make beauty come from it. I salute you, Sir. “Fourscore and seven…”

The MS Tool Box

When we are born there is no instruction manual included. Our first physiological information is derived from a slap on the butt. (Do doctors still do that?) Our small central nervous system is jarred into action via pain nerves and we cry. And so begins the relinquishing of our previous state of tranquility. Henceforth we are at the mercy of our brain and body.

People just diagnosed with multiple sclerosis will ask, "What do I do now?" After I asked my neurologist that, after he stopped to take a call from his wife who was leaving him, after he told me what to expect, I went to Sears and bought a red tool box. (Hypothetically speaking, stay with me.) That tool box needed to be filled and ready for my needs.

Here are the tools I placed in the box: Courage
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."-- Eddie Rickenbacker.

Humor "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.-- Thomas Alva Edison."

Gratitude "Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."-- Brian Tracy.

Persistence "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'Press on,' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."-- Calvin Coolidge.

Curiosity "Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why." ~Bernard Baruch

These are a few of my tools. They are now in my tool box of LIFE. Fill your tool box. Your nerves have never stopped firing since that first cry.

Golden Heart Award

Award Day, I was "aborted" all day so was happy to get this award and toss it back out. If you like it, great, give to 5 others (those are the rules from the Blog Award God), here are my picks and thanks to Jughead's Blatimore Bloghttp://jugheadsbaltimoreblog.blogspot.com/ for thinking of me. (BJ got it from http://livingdaytodaywithmultiplesclerosis.blogspot.com/ check ot out.)

Ta Da!!!

http://bedtimeforkids.blogspot.com/ Bedtime Stories
http://vvb.blogspot.com/ Vicki's Blog
http://catzmews.blogspot.com/ Catz Mews
http://www.lovespeakes.com/ Love Speaks
http://irishsea-mark.blogspot.com/ James Bond, or no, Journey's From a Wheelchair

Dentist with Power Chair, Life Used to be so Simple.

My trip to dentist began uneventful. After the assisted living facility's "bus" arrived at the dental office, we had to find space to unload me on a small side street. The magnificent driver (He used to be a taxi driver and has much city knowledge and wonderful stories, PLUS, he knows flowers, trees and bushes---an educational ride.) dropped me off, but a small woman with a small child, in a large SUV was blocking my way as she was paper-thin close to hitting the brick parking garage as she attempted to back onto the narrow street right at the corner. Cars were turning onto the side street from the main drag, and one was at the corner stop sign. Ugly.

Soooo, my bus driver started directing traffic from the main street, my friend (she used to be my paid caregiver) directed the woman back, and I basically sat there shouting, "No," and "Stop," and "turn right." Finally she backed out and off I went around the corner. This new dentist was located by calling 1-800-dentist, I needed one closer to my new home. I was told, yes, she was; but, no, she wasn't. I did learn that 1-800 dentist has a certain amount of miles they can rule by.

Seattle is full of many unique neighborhoods. Really, whatever you are about---there is a neighborhood just for you. Some are so tight they have tried over the years to become their own towns! LOL One, for years, was known for being the neighborhood of the old. Sadly, it is now yuppified, but much quaintness remains and I'm sure many doilies.

I digress. The dentist did a full X-ray, fine. I did start by saying I refuse x-rays unless *I* ask for them and tell me now if this is a problem. The dentist said--no problem. Then I was told the dentist would now exam my results and teeth and words would be said I wouldn't know, but it was for documenting purposes and all would be explained. (This is how stupid they think we are, or I looked.)

After the dentist told the assistant what teeth had cavities (pin hole sized-3) and that I needed a deep cleaning, she told me the same. I asked if I could get a deep cleaning every month or so.

"Oh, no, just every 3 years." (Oddly, exactly when my insurance COVERS it.) I looked at her very confused. "Gee, " I said so innocently, "I just HAD a deep cleaning last month...hmmm."

Well, all hell broke lose and the dissembling began. Her sentences stopped making sense and she lost it. Her slip was showing. She couldn't get out of it and tried going back to my two teeth with fillings needed to be redone because they were so old. "Over 20 years," I told her.

She then began explaining how it would push my tooth apart as it crumbled and she would not have to remove it but would put a crown on it. So, I says, (We going old school now.) "Won't the mercury seep into my mouth?" Then she changes tack and says she will remove the old filling, refill it and then put a crown on it. It was downhill from there and she left, the assistant remained to tell me the billing person would come in to explain my costs to me. "I don't need that," I said. Such a statement is always shocking to people. (I called ahead for all the costs and had already figured out what my ins. would pay. Never easy to get prices from them, and by "them" I mean the medical community. But, just be persistent, oh, and the cost will NEVER be what they tell you at that point, so prepare for a 2-10% error.) "You HAVE to talk with her," the assistant replied politely. "Why?" I asked. Long pause. "Because that is what she does."

Yes, inside I am dying from laughter, but my poker face is on. "Okay," I sigh. Within minutes the billing lady arrived all smiles and pleasant, sweet really. "I really don't need this conversation," I began and followed with a summary of the filling costs and my % of ins. coverage and my approx. out-of-pocket. She did a comical, "Well! I guess you DON'T need me." Then we both laughed, and I went home.

A simple trip to the dentist that took up my entire day, because we who can't walk or stand, are at the mercy of the schedules of others, our restroom needs, the rain on our power chairs, the spasticity of being in strange positions for at least an hour, our medicine and meals being missed, just stupid stuff that adds up to an exhausting day. And some of us have the memory of hopping in our car, seeing the dentist, getting back to job having used just an extra 15min of our lunch break. How simple my life once was.

Photo is me at dental lobby. That is a wall waterfall to my right.

Lilac LIVES! My Baby.

My little lilac plant. "In my own little corner...I can be whatever I want to be."

Diary of Trying to Walk Again with Multiple Sclerosis DAY 11

This week was hard because I have an aide who is young and not very skilled. I manage my day so as to be not in need of her; she leaves early. So, I can't try the walking on Friday or Sat., at least until I get my helpers aboard. My laptop typing wears me out, so I must avoid it on those days.

Today a friend came over and after I took a spin around the new digs, we did exercises---the mini-bike, weight bearing (standing without holding on to anything), arm weights, ROMs (Range of Motion---she moves my legs through natural use movements), yoga (In my lift chair, lying flat I do positions.) and then she strapped my left leg and we took off---four strides out and back. Using the walker does strain my arms though and I had to schedule my Dr, appt. for late next week. He will just suggest PT or sleeping in my bed.

Did I mention I WALKED FOUR steps out and back? It always feels so good, so right. I must make my brain build a new pathway. If only I had Montel's people and money...LOL. No, this is MY life, MY MS, MY path.

Tomorrow is visit to new dentist in my new neighborhood. My visit ti my neurologist last Friday was ridiculous; if I hadn't gone with a friend I would have thought it was all in my head. Oh well, another post. Did I mention I WALKED??

Teaching Teens Food Fights Hurt

There was a school food fight in Seattle last week. Pre-planned and well executed, it was a real melee with cops called and punishment was swift: NO PROM.

Of course kids and parents alike were up in arms, after all, as one boy was quoted, "It was no big deal."

OK, I am neither parent nor principal, but my punishment would have been weekends at a mission serving food to the poor. (Clean up of the food-fight mess too.) After a month or two of that I would have them write why the food fight was a big deal.

Oh, yeah, and they all would make signs to wear saying that they had wasted food for fun.

Diabetes Service Dog

"I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when I was 6 years old. I've been pumping for the last 14 years. I have an insulin allergy and have steroids mixed in with insulin. I have a service dog named Dixie, who alerts me when my blood sugar is high, low, or dropping. She is amazing! So far...I'm complication free, and plan to stay that way!! "

http://damdiabetes.blogspot.com/ Read about a diabetes service dog on the blog:
Dam Diabetes

Brain Choice Certainty

"Choice certainty," said University of Washington researcher, Dr. Roozbeh Kiani, "allows us to translate our convictions into suitable actions."

What IS "choice certainty?" When I make a choice I usually feel confident that it is the best option. I consider as many possibilities as I have the time to, but sometimes there is no time. Still, at those moments I have felt certain and I am always ready to take responsibility for my actions.

After reading about the research done with monkeys, I have concluded that our brains make a pathway after a good decision is made and when the next opportunity arises to decide about, for example whether or not it is okay to cross with the cross light flashing, the same situation we decide with certainty if we have crossed before with a positive outcome. We hold the conviction that it is okay to cross at a flashing light. (Though that is NOT my conviction and I would not cross then because my MS might hold me up unexpectedly.)

I have, however, given street crossing much thought, and in doing so have made a pathway that leads to a fast firing of my neurons in my parietal cortex, ergo a choice certainty. The pathway and speed to it makes for choice certainty.

You can read more about this in the May 8 Science article titled, "Representation of Confidence Associated with a Decision by Neurons in the Parietal Cortex."

MS Early Diagnosis Life Changing Too Soon?

Have we made a new ethical dilemma about early multiple sclerosis diagnosis? I was wondering how different my life might have been if I had been told at age 10 that I had MS.

Would I have moved so far from home? Would I have taken a job walking across a balance beam over rolling molten rebar at Bethlehem Steel? Would I have found a life mate who didn't care that I had a chronic progressive disease? Or would I have become a risk taker? Fly to France.

How would I have ever gotten insurance coverage? How would my mother and great-aunt Violet have dealt with the knowledge? Would knowing have made my MS worse? Maybe small relapses that I brushed aside would have become threats/fears.

We still don't know the long term effects of any of the MS drugs. How would they have changed me after 42 years?

Would you want to know at age 14? They say it exists by age 15, sooo...

And if your 10 year old child was diagnosed with it, would you tell them? Treat them differently?

What is Best for our Nutrition?

Again vitamin E is a bad guy (in supplement form). I get dizzy from the back and forth. Baked potatoes are A-1, good fiber, low calories, potassium, just keep off the toppings. Vitamin D supplements are now IN, especially for people with MS and those who live in Seattle. (Yes, that would be me.) Are you as confused as I about what we should put in our bodies? What sources do you rely on?

Life with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy

"About Me: Diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD) when I was 4 1/2 years old, I have been in a motorized wheelchair since age 10. Now 31, I have been ventilator-dependent for six years. Despite my disease, I have strived to live as normally as possible. I was mainstreamed in public schools, graduated college with a journalism degree, and am currently pursuing a master's degree in urban studies.
Winheld's World chronicles my daily experiences in living with DMD and with a disability in general. I also use this blog to promote my autobiography, Worth the Ride: My Journey with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (Little Treasure Books, 2008)."

http://winheldsworld.blogspot.com/

Too Good for President Obama? Get Mel Gibson

Since Notre Dame is located in my home state of Indiana and since I attended St. Francis College (never a Catholic myself, nor ever asked about my religious beliefs--FYI), I feel adequate to speak to this big deal about the president of the United States giving the ND commencement address. If you have been napping, it boils down to this: He ain't Catholic, so some don't want him.

Wow, they are too good for the PRESIDENT OF THE U.S., I guess they would rather tell their grandchildren they heard Mel Gibson.

President Kennedy spoke at Yale (though, like Obama he was a Harvard grad)(Columbia was Obama's first, but Harvard and Yale are such rivals...yawwwn.) here is what that Catholic said (I bet some Yale parents didn't like a Catholic speaking to their little darlings):
'President Griswold, members of the faculty and fellows, graduates and their families, ladies and gentlemen:
Let me begin by expressing my appreciation for the very deep honor which you have conferred upon me. As General de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard. It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds, a Harvard education and a Yale degree.
I am particularly glad to become a Yale man because as I think about my troubles, I find that a lot of them come from other Yale men. Among businessmen I have had a minor disagreement with Roger Blough of the law school class of 1931, and I have had some complaints from my friend Henry Ford of the class of 1940. In journalism I seem to have a difference with John Hay Whitney, of the class of 1926--and sometimes I also displease Henry Luce of the class of 1920, not to mention also William F. Buckley, Jr. of the class of 1950. I even have some trouble with my Yale advisers. I get along with them, but I am not always sure how they get along with each other.
I have the warmest feelings for Chester Bowles of the class of 1924, and for Dean Acheson of the class of 1915, and my assistant, McGeorge Bundy, of the class of 1940. But I am not 100 percent sure that these three wise and experienced Yale men wholly agree with each other on every issue.
So this administration which aims for peaceful cooperation among all Americans has been the victim of a certain natural pugnacity developed in this city among Yale men. Now that I, too, am a Yale man, it is time for peace. Last week at West Point, in the historic tradition of that Academy, I availed myself of the powers of the Commander in Chief to remit all sentences of offending cadets. In that same spirit, and in the historic tradition of Yale, let me now offer to smoke the clay pipe of friendship with all my brother Elis, and I hope that they may be friends not only with me but even with each other.
In any event, I am very glad to be here and as a new member of the club, I have been checking to see what earlier links existed between the institution of the Presidency and Yale. I found that a member of the class of 1878, William Howard Taft, served one term in the White House as preparation for becoming a member of this faculty. And a graduate of 1804, John C. Calhoun, regarded the Vice Presidency, quite naturally, as too lowly a status for a Yale alumnus--and became the only man in history to ever resign that office.
Calhoun in 1804 and Taft in 1878 graduated into a world very different from ours today. They and their contemporaries spent entire careers stretching over 40 years in grappling with a few dramatic issues on which the Nation was sharply and emotionally divided, issues that occupied the attention of a generation at a time: the national bank, the disposal of the public lands, nullification or union, freedom or slavery, gold or silver. Today these old sweeping issues very largely have disappeared. The central domestic issues of our time are more subtle and less simple. They relate not to basic clashes of philosophy or ideology but to ways and means of reaching common goals--to research for sophisticated solutions to complex and obstinate issues. The world of Calhoun, the world of Taft had its own hard problems and notable challenges. But its problems are not our problems. Their age is not our age. As every past generation has had to disenthrall itself from an inheritance of truisms and stereotypes, so in our own time we must move on from the reassuring repetition of stale phrases to a new, difficult, but essential confrontation with reality.
For the great enemy of truth is very often not the lie--deliberate, contrived and dishonest--but the myth--persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. We enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.
Mythology distracts us everywhere--in government as in business, in politics as in economics, in foreign affairs as in domestic affairs. But today I want to particularly consider the myth and reality in our national economy. In recent months many have come to feel, as I do, that the dialog between the parties--between business and government, between the government and the public--is clogged by illusion and platitude and fails to reflect the true realities of contemporary American society.
I speak of these matters here at Yale because of the self-evident truth that a great university is always enlisted against the spread of illusion and on the side of reality. No one has said it more clearly than your President Griswold: "Liberal learning is both a safeguard against false ideas of freedom and a source of true ones." Your role as university men, whatever your calling, will be to increase each new generation's grasp of its duties.
There are three great areas of our domestic affairs in which, today, there is a danger that illusion may prevent effective action. They are, first, the question of the size and the shape of the government's responsibilities; second, the question of public fiscal policy; and third, the matter of confidence, business confidence or public confidence, or simply confidence in America. I want to talk about all three, and I want to talk about them carefully and dispassionately--and I emphasize that I am concerned here not with political debate but with finding ways to separate false problems from real ones.
If a contest in angry argument were forced upon it, no administration could shrink from response, and history does not suggest that American Presidents are totally without resources in an engagement forced upon them because of hostility in one sector of society. But in the wider national interest, we need not partisan wrangling but common concentration on common problems. I come here to this distinguished university to ask you to join in this great task.
Let us take first the question of the size and shape of government. The myth here is that government is big, and bad--and steadily getting bigger and worse. Obviously this myth has some excuse for existence. It is true that in recent history each new administration has spent much more money than its predecessor. Thus President Roosevelt outspent President Hoover, and with allowances for the special case of the Second World War, President Truman outspent President Roosevelt. Just to prove that this was not a partisan matter, President Eisenhower then outspent President Truman by the handsome figure of $182 billion. It is even possible, some think, that this trend will continue.
But does it follow from this that big government is growing relatively bigger? It does not--for the fact is for the last 15 years, the Federal Government--and also the Federal debt--and also the Federal bureaucracy--have grown less rapidly than the economy as a whole. If we leave defense and space expenditures aside, the Federal Government since the Second World War has expanded less than any other major sector of our national life--less than industry, less than commerce, less than agriculture, less than higher education, and very much less than the noise about big government.
The truth about big government is the truth about any other great activity--it is complex. Certainly it is true that size brings dangers- -but it is also true that size can bring benefits. Here at Yale which has contributed so much to our national progress in science and medicine, it may be proper for me to note one great and little noticed expansion of government which has brought strength to our whole society-- the new role of our Federal Government as the major patron of research in science and in medicine. Few people realize that in 1961, in support of all university research in science and medicine, three dollars out of every four came from the Federal Government. I need hardly point out that this has taken place without undue enlargement of Government control--that American scientists remain second to none in their independence and in their individualism.
I am not suggesting that Federal expenditures cannot bring some measure of control. The whole thrust of Federal expenditures in agriculture have been related by purpose and design to control, as a means of dealing with the problems created by our farmers and our growing productivity. Each sector, my point is, of activity must be approached on its own merits and on terms of specific national needs. Generalities in regard to Federal expenditures, therefore, can be misleading--each case, science, urban renewal, education, agriculture, natural resources, each case must be determined on its merits if we are to profit from our unrivaled ability to combine the strength of public and private purpose.
Next, let us turn to the problem of our fiscal policy. Here the myths are legion and the truth hard to find. But let me take as a prime example the problem of the Federal budget. We persist in measuring our Federal fiscal integrity today by the conventional or administrative budget--with results which would be considered absurd in any business firm--in any country of Europe--or in any careful assessment of the reality of our national finances. The administrative budget has sound administrative uses. But for wider purposes it is less helpful. It omits our special trust funds and the effect they have on our economy; it neglects changes in assets and inventories. It cannot tell a loan from a straight expenditure--and worst of all it cannot distinguish between operating expenditures and long term investments.
This budget, in relation to the great problems of Federal fiscal policy which are basic to our economy in 1962, is not simply irrelevant; it can be actively misleading. And yet there is a mythology that measures all of our national soundness or unsoundness on the single simple basis of this same annual administrative budget. If our Federal budget is to serve not the debate but the country, we must and will find ways of clarifying this area of discourse.
Still in the area of fiscal policy, let me say a word about deficits. The myth persists that Federal deficits create inflation and budget surpluses prevent it. Yet sizeable budget surpluses after the war did not prevent inflation, and persistent deficits for the last several years have not upset our basic price stability. Obviously deficits are sometimes dangerous--and so are surpluses. But honest assessment plainly requires a more sophisticated view than the old and automatic cliche that deficits automatically bring inflation.
There are myths also about our public debt. It is widely supposed that this debt is growing at a dangerously rapid rate. In fact, both the debt per person and the debt as a proportion of our national product have declined sharply since the Second World War. In absolute terms the national debt since the end of World War II has increased only 8 percent, while private debt was increasing 305 percent, and the debts of state and local governments--on whom people frequently suggest we should place additional burdens--the debts of state and local governments have increased 378 percent. Moreover, debts public and private, are neither good nor bad, in and of themselves. Borrowing can lead to over-extension and collapse--but it can also lead to expansion and strength. There is no single, simple slogan in this field that we can trust.
Finally, I come to the matter of confidence. Confidence is a matter of myth and also a matter of truth--and this time let me make the truth of the matter first.
It is true--and of high importance--that the prosperity of this country depends on the assurance that all major elements within it will live up to their responsibilities. If business were to neglect its obligations to the public, if labor were blind to all public responsibility, above all, if government were to abandon its obvious--and statutory--duty of watchful concern for our economical health--if any of these things should happen, then confidence might well be weakened and the danger of stagnation would increase. This is the true issue of confidence.
But there is also the false issue--and its simplest form is the assertion that any and all of the unfavorable turns of the speculative wheel--however temporary and however plainly speculative in character-- are the result of, and I quote, "a lack of confidence in the national administration." This I must tell you, while comforting, is not wholly true. Worse, it obscures the reality--which is also simple. The solid ground of mutual confidence is the necessary partnership of government with all of the sectors of our society in the steady quest for economic progress.
Corporate plans are not based on political confidence in party leaders but on an economic confidence in the Nation's ability to invest and produce and consume. Business had full confidence in the administrations in power in 1929, 1954, 1958, and 1960--but this was not enough to prevent recession when business lacked full confidence in the economy. What matters is the capacity of the Nation as a whole to deal with its economic problems and its opportunities.
The stereotypes I have been discussing distract our attention and divide our effort. These stereotypes do our Nation a disservice, not just because they are exhausted and irrelevant, but above all because they are misleading--because they stand in the way of the solution of hard and complicated facts. It is not new that past debates should obscure present realities. But the damage of such a false dialogue is greater today than ever before simply because today the safety of all the world--the very future of freedom--depends as never before on the sensible and clearheaded management of the domestic affairs of the United States.
The real issues of our time are rarely as dramatic as the issues of Calhoun. The differences today are usually matters of degree. And we cannot understand and attack our contemporary problems in 1962 if we are bound by traditional labels and worn out slogans of an earlier era. But the unfortunate fact of the matter is that our rhetoric has not kept pace with the speed of social and economic change. Our political debates, our public discourse--on current domestic and economic issues-- too often bear little or no relation to the actual problems the United States faces.
What is at stake in our economic decisions today is not some grand warfare of rival ideologies which will sweep the country with passion, but the practical management of a modern economy. What we need is not labels and cliches but more basic discussion of the sophisticated and technical questions involved in keeping a great economic machinery moving ahead.
The national interest lies in high employment and steady expansion of output, in stable prices and a strong dollar. The declaration of such an objective is easy; their attainment in an intricate and interdependent economy and world is a little more difficult. To attain them, we require not some automatic response but hard thought. Let me end by suggesting a few of the real questions on our national agenda.
First, how can our budget and tax policies supply adequate revenues and preserve our balance of payments position without slowing up our economic growth?
Two, how are we to set our interest rates and regulate the flow of money, in ways which will stimulate the economy at home, without weakening the dollar abroad? Given the spectrum of our domestic and international responsibilities, what should be the mix between fiscal and monetary policy?
Let me give several examples from my experience of the complexity of these matters and how political labels and ideological approaches are irrelevant to the solution.
Last week, a distinguished graduate of this school, Senator Proxmire, of the class of 1938, who is ordinarily regarded as a liberal Democrat, suggested that we should follow in meeting our economic problems a stiff fiscal policy, with emphasis on budget balance and an easy monetary policy with low interest rates in order to keep our economy going. In the same week, the Bank for International Settlement in Basel, Switzerland, a conservative organization representing the central bankers of Europe suggested that the appropriate economic policy in the United States should be the very opposite; that we should follow a flexible budget policy, as in Europe, with deficits when the economy is down and a high monetary policy on interest rates, as in Europe, in order to control inflation and protect goals. Both may be right or wrong. It will depend on many different factors.
The point is that this is basically an administrative or executive problem in which political labels or cliches do not give us a solution.
A well-known business journal this morning, as I journeyed to New Haven, raised the prospects that a further budget deficit would bring inflation and encourage the flow of gold. We have had several budget deficits beginning with a $12 1/2 billion budget deficit in 1958, and it is true that in the fall of 1960 we had a gold dollar loss running at $5 billion annually. This would seem to prove the case that a deficit produces inflation and that we lose gold, yet there was no inflation following the deficit of 1958 nor has there been inflation since then.
Our wholesale price index since 1958 has remained completely level in spite of several deficits, because the loss of gold has been due to other reasons: price instability, relative interest rates, relative export-import balances, national security expenditures--all the rest.
Let me give you a third and final example. At the World Bank meeting in September, a number of American bankers attending predicted to their European colleagues that because of the fiscal 1962 budget deficit, there would be a strong inflationary pressure on the dollar and a loss of gold. Their predictions on inflation were shared by many in business and helped push the market up. The recent reality of noninflation helped bring it down. We have had no inflation because we have had other factors in our economy that have contributed to price stability.
I do not suggest that the government is right and they are wrong. The fact of the matter is in the Federal Reserve Board and in the administration this fall, a similar view was held by many well-informed and disinterested men that inflation was the major problem that we would face in the winter of 1962. But it was not. What I do suggest is that these problems are endlessly complicated and yet they go to the future of this country and its ability to prove to the world what we believe it must prove.
I am suggesting that the problems of fiscal and monetary policies in the sixties as opposed to the kinds of problems we faced in the thirties demand subtle challenges for which technical answers, not political answers, must be provided. These are matters upon which government and business may and in many cases will disagree. They are certainly matters which government and business should be discussing in the most sober, dispassionate and careful way if we are to maintain the kind of vigorous economy upon which our country depends.
How can we develop and sustain strong and stable world markets for basic commodities without unfairness to the consumer and without undue stimulus to the producer? How can we generate the buying power which can consume what we produce on our farms and in our factories? How can we take advantage of the miracles of automation with the great demand that it will put upon highly skilled labor and yet offer employment to the half million of unskilled school dropouts each year who enter the labor market, eight million of them in the 1960's?
How do we eradicate the barriers which separate substantial minorities of our citizens from access to education and employment on equal terms with the rest?
How, in sum, can we make our free economy work at full capacity-- that is, provide adequate profits for enterprise, adequate wages for labor, adequate utilization of plant, and opportunity for all?
These are the problems that we should be talking about--that the political parties and the various groups in our country should be discussing. They cannot be solved by incantations from the forgotten past. But the example of Western Europe shows that they are capable of solution--that governments, and many of them are conservative governments, prepared to face technical problems without ideological preconceptions, can coordinate the elements of a national economy, and bring about growth and prosperity--a decade of it.
Some conversations I have heard in our own country sound like old records, long-playing, left over from the middle thirties. The debate of the thirties had its great significance and produced great results, but it took place in a different world with different needs and different tasks. It is our responsibility today to live in our own world, and to identify the needs and discharge the tasks of the 1960's.
If there is any current trend toward meeting present problems with old cliches, this is the moment to stop it--before it lands us all in a bog of sterile acrimony.
Discussion is essential; and I am hopeful that the debate of recent weeks, though up to now somewhat barren, may represent the start of a serious dialog of the kind which has led in Europe to such fruitful collaboration among all the elements of economic society and to a decade of unrivaled economic progress. But let us not engage in the wrong argument at the wrong time between the wrong people in the wrong country--while the real problems of our own time grow and multiply, fertilized by our neglect.
Nearly 150 years ago Thomas Jefferson wrote, "The new circumstances under which we are placed call for new words, new phrases, and for the transfer of old words to new objects." New words, new phrases, the transfer of old words to new objects--that is truer today than it was in the time of Jefferson, because the role of this country is so vastly more significant. There is a show in England called "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off." You have not chosen to exercise that option. You are part of the world and you must participate in these days of our years in the solution of the problems that pour upon us, requiring the most sophisticated and technical judgment; and as we work in consonance to meet the authentic problems of our times, we will generate a vision and an energy which will demonstrate anew to the world the superior vitality and strength of the free society."

Oops, I'm sorry, I missed the part about his religious beliefs. HE WAS THE PRESIDENT!!

Flip the Page, Not Your Ideals, Mr. President.

"Hours ago, the Obama administration disappointingly reversed its promise to make public photos depicting detainee abuse by U.S. personnel overseas. The Department of Defense recently told a federal judge that it would release a “substantial number” of photos in response to a court ruling in an ACLU Freedom of Information Act lawsuit. There is no doubt that these photos would be disturbing. The day we are no longer upset by such repugnant acts would be a sad one. But, the outrage related to these photos shouldn’t be about their release. It should be about the horrific crimes that they depict. And, we must demand accountability for the widespread abuse they document. The very fact that these photos exist only underscores the need for accountability and for a full investigation of crimes committed. As President Obama said on his first full day in office, “A democracy requires accountability, and accountability requires transparency.” Tell President Obama you support transparency and accountability at the highest levels of government. The ACLU pressed for the recent release of the long-secret Bush torture memos and is now calling for the release of the abuse photos because -- as painful as it is -- confronting the evidence of what was done is essential if we are to live by the law.Those who turned a blind eye to abuse and those who put the despicable U.S. torture program in place had no right to ignore the rule of law. And, no matter how hard some might try to turn us away from the facts, we also have no right to ignore the rule of law. We have to call to account those who did this and follow the evidence wherever it leads. Please take a few moments to tell President Obama that you support transparency and accountability. Sooner or later, these photos will come to light. And when they do, you and I will be heartbroken and sick to our stomachs to see so vividly what the U.S. torture program entailed. But, the real heartbreak -- the real betrayal of our values and principles -- would come if we denied our moral and legal responsibility to bring to account those who involved our country in torture so horrid that we hesitate to even look it in the eye. The President is listening to and weighing carefully the advice of those in his administration on these issues. But he also needs to hear from concerned citizens like you. "
---From ACLU 5/14/09
What do you think? I think being open with these photos shows that we accept the errors of our past administration, and have proven we wanted a better government that follows our core beliefs. Not showing puts worse thoughts in the minds of terrorists and potential terrorist. Get the dirty laundry OUT, shake it, MOVE FORWARD. The hidden always comes out in the end. We have few chances to prove we now mean what we say. Pres. Obama is disappointing me. Our troops are made stronger by the truth. It seems we still can't close the book on our country's ugly chapter. My opinion. Yours?

Is Romance Dead? The Pains of an Incurable Romantic

I am an incurable. I know this. My name is Diane and I am an incurable romantic. All the news stories about husbands killing wives, lovers killing lovers, wives dismantling husbands, parents killing their offspring----what the heck has happened to romance?

Woman place ads on Craig's List (and have been placing ads elsewhere for years) and teachers having bad boys do more than buff the chalk erasers, where is the romance in THAT?

TV shows, oh my God, I have just begun watching Cold Case, CSI here and there, Without a Trace (WHY did I start??) and well, where has romance gone? OK, I get roses are expensive and we are in a recession or depression or whatever, but cutting out eyeballs? Machine gunning ex-lovers down? Is there a video game promoting this? Who/what can we blame? (and by "we" I mean I.) I always feel so bad for people living in ignorance is bliss land and then get mugged. Or the, "not in MY neighborhood" types or the fiancee who said, oh no, not MY soon to be husband!

Speed dating (is that over yet?), Twittering (no, seriously, that can't be to "meet" or I guess the word is "hook up," which is where many lovers find themselves in TV murder shows) where is the ROMANCE in that?? What message are we (and by "we" I mean society) sending to our kids?

Divorce is still at 50%, redepression et al, I've gotten used to that, the only person in MY family unit who hasn't been divorced is the one (and by "one" I mean me) who is too deviant to be allowed to marry.(Excuse me while I laugh--again---at the irony---THIRTY YEARS NEXT MONTH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) (excuse me while I catch my breath)

Romance: Pres. Obama and Michelle dancing to "At Last." Ahhhh For incurable romantics those moments keep us sane.

Diary of Trying to Walk Again with Multiple Sclerosis DAY TEN

This morning my right arm/shoulder hurt so badly that I couldn't lift my toothbrush. (6AM)

By 9AM I was feeling fine, so I think it is positional and a side effect of sleeping in a lift-chair.

Today I went about in my power chair meeting new neighbors. Then I sat in sun on balcony while our unit was cleaned. I asked that the house cleaner stop using toxic chemicals and I provided her with "clean green" spray bottles. Then I dropped off a note in the lobby suggestion box: Use green cleaning supplies for the health of residents and it will be a good selling point.

Then at 2PM I took a step forward, ALONE, with my "atrophied," "dwindling," "baseline dead" leg! My helper-friend screamed with joy. I then stepped back to a safe position and sat. We looked at each other and I was as shocked as her. More so I felt vindicated. My theory is solid. I can do this.

After composing ourselves I walked again with her pulling at the weak leg as I shifted in the walker. Just a few steps, but it felt like I had circled the globe!

I'm thinking I need a camcorder to start documenting this so that people will believe me. (My childhood paranoia.)

People who have been told you will never walk again---don't be too sure. Miracles happen every day. (Excuse while I go get giddy now.)

Screw Bronze!: Pain and communication: effort for friends, for CFS/M.E./Fibro

Screw Bronze!: Pain and communication: effort for friends, for CFS/M.E./Fibro

Diary of Trying to Walk Again with Multiple Sclerosis DAY NINE

Today I walked. I WALKED. Just 6 steps, but it brought the house down! There were tears of joy (partner) laughter and wows (friend) and "Yes I Can." (Moi)

Friend wrapped a gait belt around my upper leg (the dead zone leg) and as I stepped out I would shift my weight right to left telling her when to give a yank. We all agreed I could have gone farther, but we were all a bit overcome and will regroup tomorrow.

This all came after we fixed the printer, I did my mini exercise bike, my arm weights, dealt with my dental insurance saying I didn't exist, snacked on leftover salmon and fresh brocolli and sat in a moment of sun on the balcony. (Next week is supposed to be fantastic!)

Did I mention I WALKED??!!

American Idol Kris Allen with Guitar and Heartless Lover

Happened to catch American Idol---Kris Allen, "Heartless," a song done by Kenya West and I loved the Kris rendition sooo much better. Kenya's is so electronic and overproduced that I could barely make out the lyrics. I can relate to the song and Kris sang it the way I feel it. he gets my virtual vote.

Stupid Things Doctors Say

"No, it won't kill you, you'll just wish it would."

"You will dwindle."

"This will feel like you are dying, but it only last a few minutes."

"We stopped your heart twice, but we will keep the defibrillator near you."

"Can you feel this?" (no) "This?" (no) "This?" (no, my MS makes that entire area numb.) "This?" (uh, no) "Sigh." This from an ER supervisor poking me w/needle.

("I fell and broke my wrist.") Dr.: "We will take an X-ray and see if you broke your wrist."

On form to see an oncologist: "Do you fish?" (When I asked the RN why the Dr. asked that question she said that he likes to fish and can never find enough people to join him.)

"You have cancer." (Then outside my hospital door:) "She seemed like such a nice girl."

"Have you ever smoked?" (no) "Do you smoke now?"

What stupidity has a doctor said to YOU?

New Way of Doing Business. Newspapers Paper are OUT.

So I put my extra power chair for sale in the newspaper, see. Nowadays ya gotta do it online, see. So I takes a photo, several, all angles, see. It is beautiful, like new, will make someone the perfect chair for less than half the cost of a new one, see. I pimped that ride---solid tires, yellow shock absorbers, polished red, swing-away arm, real sweet, see.

One day later I gets a call, right? I was on the throne, if yas knows what I mean, and the lady leaves a message. I can barely understand her except she is calling about the chair and call her back. I do. I wait. I wait. I wait.

The weekends comes and yeah it goes, no call. So I call the lady again, get her msg line again, like she's at work see. FINALLY, she calls back.

"I don't want you chair. You make mistake. I calling for the ad. I work for Times."
"Oh, is there something wrong with my ad?" (I was sure just like you're sure you left the stove on, that I had not added a phone number, that there was no place in the ad for it.)
"I don't want your chair I just call ok bye"
"WAIT. WHY did you call?"
"No reason bye..."
"WAIT. Did my ad have a contact number?"
"No, that is why I call."
"But you called ME, so you have it."
"Right, I don't want your chair. You are confused." (Damn right.)
"So, WHY did you call me?"
"I didn't call you." (Oh, Christ. Excuse me Father for I am about to sin again.)
"Yes you did!"
"When?"
"Friday."
"Ohhh, yes, I want tell you when your ad will run."
"What?! I know that."
"What is your phone number?" (I give it to her.)
"Your address?" (I give it to her.)
"Ok, bye."
"WAIT. Why did you need all that I included it online?"
"We didn't used to accept emailing addresses, but now we do."
???????????????????????????????????????????

So I says good-bye, see. Today I placed another ad, see. So...we will see.

The Scent of Lilacs

A dear friend left a cell phone msg telling me she was moving back to Germany. I thought she would help me with my walking plan. She is an RN. She had me on the phone, but didn't tell me then, just told me to check my msg. Then I called her back the next day and said bye, have a good life and safe trip. (My partner and I have spent many hours thanking her for all she has done for us that we can never repay.)

She was family and now she is gone. She refuses to email. She has a wonderful husband and two great boys. Now they are gone to us. It hurts so badly because my partner is too ill to get breakfast with her or spend some final time with her. I hate good-byes.

One of my volunteers has backed out. I rescheduled my Dr. appt. (Last week the van lift was broken.) for tomorrow, am trying to get something for my good shoulder pain and a DX.) and the front desk called to say I wrote it on the sign-up sheet for AM and that day is only PMs. Swell.

Our printer, our NEW printer has stopped working. The clouds are rolling in. My lilac bush is growing so big. It looks so healthy. Lilacs remind me of my mom. We had a huge tree/bush behind our house and when we brought lilacs inside it was the only fresh smelling thing in the house. Can't wait until mine blooms. A friend I once had who moved to Germany planted it for me. I miss her. I'll never forget her.

How Far Can We Go Alone? Discrimination 2009

Someone asked me yesterday about a statement I had made in a recent post. I said that in 18 years at my job "I had never experienced a moment of discrimination..." because I was gay. (Now, how stupid---I put quotes around my own words! Duh) (I digress)
They asked me is I had ever felt discrimination because I was disabled and why can't the disabled community get organized like the gay, black, etc. (find the exact question on the post 2 days back) Funny, the gay community often asks same question: "Where is OUR MLK Jr? (Yeah, they killed Milk too) Why can't we get better organized?" Long before America brought over slaves, homosexuals were being killed. Long after African Americans can marry freely in every state, gay people still can't. And people with disabilities? Still hidden from sight when possible, still beaten and starved by relatives who cash their SSDI checks and smile while they do it.

Now, we could go on and on about who has it worse off (a black, disabled, gay woman has a long road for sure) but as far as my job---no, in 18 years no discrimination from people, but from the building, the city around me YES and yes to this day. Even though the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) passed in 1990, there are still too few ramps on city sidewalks, too few assisted living homes that no one buy Bill Gates could afford, too many people who prefer to not deal with us. "Don't flaunt it." I hear that in my head and not because I am gay.

Like African Americans and Gay Americans, Disabled Americans have come a long way, but like the rest we still have a long way to go. Here is what *I* don't get: YOU (whoever you are) can never be black if you are not black or gay if you are straight, but you ALL can become disabled at any moment. So, I would think our "community" should be the largest and most powerful.

Riddle me THAT? When people reach over my head, hitting it to pay for their cup of coffee before mine has been served and I am CLEARLY ahead of them in line---what the hell are they thinking?? When a push button for people in wheelchairs is placed so far from the door that we must race like you-know-what to squeeze in---WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?

Oh, and how the ADA rules are met just enough not to get sued...don't you love the movie theaters where there is ONE space for a wheelchair? My spouse is also in a wheelchair, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING? Oh, right we are disabled, we don't have friends just relatives who must push us around.

At my job I started an association for people with disabilities and even though MY dept. treated me well MANY did not. We met with the city council, the mayor, we wrote letters to the editor, and changes happened. But I got cancer and had to leave the group. It didn't last long after that. Later I would fight for changes on my own, but my health was poor and. well, I don't know what goes on with the city anymore. (I still call in curbs that need to be ramped and crossing lines that need to be brighter; I mean we do what we can do, but like all minority groups we need the help of the majority.)

So to answer the question, well, I can't. But I know that if we don't all come together to fight for each others rights, then we will all keep saying: "There is still far to go."

The Beauty of Dandelions

When I was 4, 5, 6, I used to walk down the sidewalk in front of our home and pick pretty yellow flowers for my mom on Mother's Day. I thought they were so beautiful. My mom thought they were so beautiful and they were a gift she always loved.

My older brothers would laugh at me, tell me the yellow flowers were just weeds. They always found a way to look down on me. But, mom acted like they were beautiful. I believed her.

Years later I still think yellow dandelions are pretty and so does my mom. I really mean it. She does too. I love that about her. That childlike innocence, that ability to see beauty where others see weeds. Thanks for that gift you gave me, Mom, and Happy Mother's Day.

Walking with MS, Michael J Fox and Happy Genes

Today I did the exercise mini bike and used it for my arms too as one blogger suggested(I had used it for arms before, but my table is gone and now I have new TV trays that do the job. The sun provided my 15min of vitamin D (I hope) and then I was held up chatting with a new friend, who I will probably never see again.

She was having breakfast and I joined her for coffee (the bistro brew was not ready yet). She is here briefly and will undergo eye surgery for cancer tomorrow. She has a relative with MS and Parkinson's. We trashed on drugs, false hope pushed on people, and how we both keep a sense of humor about life and believe in keeping our bodies as fit as we can. She caught some of the Michael J Fox TV special, as did I---we like him.

I had such a great time talking with a like-minded soul. I'll miss her.

Then I was held up at the salon, since my usual hair cutter was alone I took the chance to get shorn. She had to raise her price from $7 to $15 and my hair...well, let;s just say I go for the atmosphere not the quality or style of the cut. When I finally made it home to my waiting friend and partner (friend there to help with exercises) they laughed hysterically and friend grabbed a razor to "clean it up." Well, I LIKE it. It looks cool, like I'm not trying, ya know?

Today we tried moving with the walker, but my left leg just won't lift at all. Next week we will use gait belt to lift it as I try to step.

Another set back: One volunteer has politely dropped out. I really hoped to meet her as she has been involved with wonderful work in disaster areas. She suggested I try a pool first.

Yeah, a pool would be great. There is the little problem of getting there, getting in, getting in a swimsuit (and out of), using the restrooms, my incontinence, I can't swim and hate the water---can I stop now? Anyway, I may lose others, as I can't close the deal as soon as planned since my good arm has deserted me. Time will tell.

The guy who said he could build stuff was a day sleeper so my friend left the request with photo, under his door. That was two days ago, no reply. I have plan B for that walking device, will explore that after I see Dr, re shoulder/arm.

It was sunny in Seattle on my balcony just long enough for me to sit awhile. Can't wait to see my invisible neurologist in a few weeks. Very curious what if anything she has to say about my 5 days in the ICU in Dec.

Michael J Fox's special was great. He spoke of the "happy gene" that has been discovered (over a year ago) and that is a gene I think I got from Mom. Thanks, Mom. When I tell my neurologist, "I'm happy," she looks at me blankly then averts her eyes and writes. Sometimes I feel like just laughing hysterically around her, but I know she would either be insulted or write down that I am having mood swings. hahahahahaha

END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE NOW

Check out these blogs and sites about domestic violence. Get help for yourself or someone you know if it is needed.

http://domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com/

http://www.blogcatalog.com/blogs/getting-free-of-the-trap-of-domestic-violence.html

http://www.theresnoexcuse.com/

http://www.enddomesticabuse.org/breaking_abuse_cycle.php?gclid=CKfzxIqTrpoCFRMUagodFE12bw

Diary of Trying to Walk Again with Multiple Sclerosis

Day EIGHT
Our facility van lift has broken. I had to reschedule my Dr. appt. for my hurting arm. Now I am set back a week. (The scheduler said to me, "Can't you transfer just a little?" HUH?)

My photo of walking aid I'd like to use has been delivered to a previous neighbor who once offered to build me "anything." No reply yet.

Today I rode the exercise mini-bike 10minutes! AND it was easy! The hips are starting to get with the program.

Intimidating LGBTQ&F Stand Proudly Speak LOUDLY or McCarthyism Alive in Seattle?

Not long after starting my job with the city of Seattle in the late ‘80s, a few gay employees decided to start a gay employee association. Most gay city employees were in the closet and many spoke privately of discrimination at work. Although the mayor spoke of inclusion and how progressive Seattle was, blacks and gays were feeling anything but. The black employees banded together to start an association and now it was time for gay employees to get together for support.
The big question was: would anyone show up? Posters were put on bulletin boards and a meeting room was secured. That evening I went alone and nodded to a few women who had organized the gathering, but they were pay levels above me---engineers---and they stayed at the front of the room talking among themselves. I didn’t care, this was a good idea and I wanted to show support. But as the clock ticked, it sounded more and more like dropping bricks in the empty room.
Then they came. One by one, slowly, cautiously, as if a lion might jump out and devour them. People I had never seen before. They began to fill the room to standing-room-only and out the door. My eyes welled up. They looked so downtrodden, yet happy at the same time, like a foster child who finally gets a safe family.
While some mingled and the leaders began to realize a dream come true was in the making, I noticed something very disturbing. Was it? Could it be? No, no, no. There, taking a seat and taking notes was a man known for his anti-gay activities. Tall, bespectacled, and sly as a fox---I knew him well. He stood over me one day at my cubicle, saying not a word, just staring at the postcards covering my cubicle walls: a famous gay people collection from the Seattle Art Museum. He meant to intimidate. He only made me laugh.
He got my laughs often, but I never took him for a fool, on the contrary, he was a relentless, put-them-gays-back-in-the-closet man on a mission. I said then and I must repeat: He will NEVER give up. I believe he feels he is on a mission from God to defeat gay people at any opportunity.
I knew one of the leaders that night knew him too, but he was hidden in the mass of people. I motioned her over and pointed him out. She quickly made an announcement to the group that this man was in the room. He was asked to leave, but he refused. Then a gay man stood up to him and tensions rose, words were exchanged, there was pushing, a chair fell over, people started leaving. He accomplished his mission that night.
There would not be another large gay employee gathering for sometime. He demanded he be allowed to attend, city building and all.
When domestic partnerships hit Seattle, he was taking stuffed envelopes across the street daily to the post office. He fought tooth and nail. He attended meetings in favor of the proposition and had his groupies take photos, gather anything to try and scare gay employees away.
That time he lost. After that he stayed pretty quiet.
In 2003 I was working for the water dept. division of the city and joined a “Diversity Committee.” I was in a scooter and there was one other woman there in a power chair. The first meetings went well, but I felt that the chairperson, a black woman, was being shut down when she became impassioned vocally about an issue of promotions. At the next meeting we were gifted (drip goes the sarcasm) with an “advisor” from the superintendents’s office. (You say advisor I say spy and controller.)
Whenever the other disabled woman or I brought up an issue we were swiftly dismissed by the advisor: “We will look into that later.”But that was nothing as unacceptable as when I said I had noticed, having come fro the city electric dept., that gay employees of the water dept. were afraid to be out. W H O A You would have thought I said God was dead.Immediately, the advisor said he disagreed, with a laugh, and he wanted to hear more though and would I speak with him after the meeting.
Wow, I thought, what a pro. First dismiss the importance of the issue. Second get it out of the meeting arena for open discussion. Last try intimidation---single me out, off to the side.
This guy told me I was wrong. He said he knew many gay people at the water dept. “Name one.” I said faster than he could say, “HEY,” he stared at me blankly, then said, “I don’t know he would want me to say.” “Exactly my point.”
Oh, he turned red and was mad. Doggone if he didn’t have to take a call just then. I never saw him again. The disabled woman quit the meetings, telling me they were ignoring her. Several gay men called me privately and asked was it them or were gay people being laughed at in the diversity meetings?I had to tell him the truth. The meeting was a sham, a way for the super to say he was all about inclusion. RIGHT.
In 2004 I retired. Just yesterday that anti-gay man filed a, well, you read it: City of SeattleGregory J. Nickels, Mayor
Seattle Public Utilities
May 6, 2009
Dear Sir or Madam,
Re: PDR #1579 – LGBTQ&F Membership
This letter is to inform you that _______ has made a public records request for copies of records related to City of Seattle Affinity groups, in particular SPU’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and Friends (LGBTQ&F) group including:


1) Names of those in leadership, their position and the departments each work for.
2) Names of members and the departments they work for.
3) The names of meeting attendees (those who attended any of the last three meetings) who are not members.
4) Organizational documents such as a constitution or bylaws.
5) Sign in sheets/minutes/agenda/list of atendees for the last three meetings.
6) Any job number or numbers authorized for use by the organization.
7) E-mail list of names of members or attendees by any leader who sends out meeting notices
8) Meeting information (date/time/location) for the next three meetings after the date that documents are provided for this disclosure request.
9) Any funding provided to this group for its use by the City or its subdivisions. Please provide this by year.


Washington State's Public Records Act requires that the City promptly release records upon request unless the records are specifically exempted from disclosure. In compliance with our obligations under the law, the City intends to release requested disclosable records in response to this and any other future requests for the same records. As a person affected by the request, however, you have the legal right under RCW 42.56.540 to bring a legal action to enjoin the release of any records you believe may not be subject to disclosure. The City will make the requested records available to ______ at the close of business on [Date], unless prior to that time you have obtained and the City has been served with a court injunction prohibiting disclosure.
You can fill in the blank. UNBELIEVABLE 2009. " ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN...?" I want to tell the members not to be afraid. Stand proud. We beat this man before when he tried intimidation tactics to hold us down. We did it by speaking out LOUDLY and letting decent citizens of Seattle join us in defeating his hurtful, pointless, aggression toward our desire to be free, to be.

I Have MS. Can I Walk Again? HOW? DAY SEVEN

Day 7 BUMP My right (good side) arm/shoulder feels as though I strained it, but this started back in October...now when I swing it, it cracks---me thinks arthritis. Great, can't put weight on it without pain. Shibbilty-scrab! Will make appt. with doctor.

Seattle Gay Employees Under Attack

Here we go again. Citizen water/sewer/garbage rates will probably increase just to cover the cost of one bigots agenda against freedom for all people. Read above for details.

Diary of Trying to Walk Again with Multiple Sclerosis DAY SIX

Day 6 People, need people, so I advertised on Craigs List. (whatever THAT is) and would you believe I got SIX responses! Yeah! Now, I’m thinking this will make a great book and a great tool for others trapped in my situation, if nothing else a great story of the kindness of strangers to TRY with me.

I replied to all and ran google checks on them, included my blog address so they could all check me out too. I will wait for the ad to close and email more of my big plan---then see how many are up to it.

My own exercises have increased with excitement. My partner is still hanging in there…

After I drove off from her camera store, my cousin’s (60+ years old cousin) words were stinging me, “…a wild goose chase.” Then my own conscience started stinging me, “How can you leave her? She could be dying? What kind of person ARE you?”

I turned the car around in a driveway that had a black, polished, antique car parked in it. Back I drove, knowing only the name of the city she lived in, Rochester, and hearing her stories of driving home. Within minutes a sign ahead pointed to Rochester. After several miles I arrived and pulled over next to a pay phone (young readers---it was just like what Superman used to change clothes in, and they were all about) and called her home number and she answered! Crap. I pretended I was in Ft. Wayne, IN and “How are you?” She said “ok,” I said, “Oh, I gotta go, bye.” Yes, I am a chicken. Hear me cluck.

Well, she was not dead. My conscience was clear. I could now head home. Oh CRAPAFY! I had to at least send her flowers. Ok, right there was a florist; I went inside, asked if they would deliver a dozen red roses. “Sorry, we are closing.” Why didn’t I just leave?

“Do you know where 113 Trenton (I don’t recall exact address) (Ok, I do, but I’m not telling.) is?”

“Just two blocks over.” (Dang)

I started looking around the shop. “Ok, I’ll deliver them myself.” “We are out of red roses.” “I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”And that is how orange and yellow roses became our yearly tradition. (TRY finding orange roses every fraking year for THIRTY!)
I would knock, drop them at her door and run to my car parked halfway down her street. CLUCK CLUCK

Slowly approaching the front door I bent down and “Sandy! Come in! Karenlee, SANDY is here! With FLOWERS!”

“Uh, I, uh,” and in the distance I heard her voice, “Diane?”

Her mother, Mary, had me firmly in hand and was leading me to her daughter’s bedroom (an event she would regret just about up to her dying day, and she would accuse me of lying and telling her I was Sandy, a person I’d never heard of before).

Mitral Valve Prolapse would be the first of many conditions we would confront together; no matter what she got the first response from her family and doctors was that it was all in her head. (That she had been in a head-on car crash less than a year earlier never seemed to phase their disbelief; a fact that many a doctor would come to regret and show appropriate anger for her lack of proper medical attention, but that is another story.)

Right now I must walk again, even just an awkward step will do. I’ll take it from there.