Lately, I was feeling bummed about my walking goal (dream? attempt? quest?), there was a development that I didn't share with anyone---neither of my feet were responding anymore. No ability to shuffle or move EITHER of them. Very discouraging, after TWO years of inability to move ahead. I finally confessed to my partner on Saturday. She gave me encouraging words and together we talked about the progress I HAD made.
For about 6 months before my explosion/4 days in ICU in 2008, my ability to stand and walk for the daily trip across the room had ended, slowly, worse each day.
Then I got sick, from what we will never know exactly, but I certainly have MY idea, anyway it was a whirlwind move to assisted living as my partner and I spiraled downward, unable to help each other as we always had over 30 years.
Our arrival at the assisted living community was swift and a cascade of horrible physical events came down on my partner within months of life in our new surroundings. We hit rock bottom in our life together, so far. My point is that we both have been crawling slowly back up for years now.
I was always the healthy one. She was always unwell. (I NEVER saw the MS or Cancer coming!) My role of "needy" is not a comfortable fit. But, you play the hand you're dealt.
When I started my "Walking with MS Diary" for this blog, I didn't realise how far I had sunk. Maybe I did, but chose to see things differently. As time passed and my blog readers anxiously awaited good news, there was not much exciting to tell you. All my ideas were failing miserably and it was a constant, "back to the drawing board," all of which I hope to detail in a book one day.
(That is a nice thing about being a writer, even bad events are good grist for a story!)
One thing became glaringly clear: I could not bear my own weight! Who knew? When did it happen?! AArrgh So, I focused on that. I worked up to a minute...one day. But it wasn't progressing, it was regressing. Advice Alert: When one part bums you out, move on to something you can have success with. So I really focused on getting my arms in shape. Lots of progress there. From NO weights to 1lb then 5, now 10. I have known the fun of watching results of shaping your body with weights, and it still makes me feel strong.
Next the mini-exercise bike--I couldn't use it for years, started a bit at my new home, and as of the last month I can do it using only my hips! (without having my arms push my legs) So exciting!
A few weeks ago I began standing with my walker (unused in a closet for years), building up slowly from a few seconds to a minute to--TA DA TWO MINUTES last week!
This morning (this actually happened on Sunday--I was SOO excited I cried/had to write it down right away, but already had the Ked's post and Uncle Arthur ready), after being so down yesterday, I was able to take TWO steps, unaided, with my walker! My caregiver was as ecstatic as I was. "Tomorrow you will do more!" she said. The photo doesn't do her smiling face justice, it is so dark at 6:30am now. Yes, I am sky high! I know that maybe tomorrow I will not take a step. I know there is still much work to be done. But I also know I am on the right track and all the doctors who couldn't put me together again (say that to the Humpty Dumpty rhyme rhythm) just didn't know or care enough. Dumb and Dumber.
And I hope you know that I will NEVER give up; and neither should YOU. Don't let anyone label you. Make a plan. If one thing doesn't work, then try another. Try a thousand! DON'T GIVE UP ON YOU.
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