Cancer Back at My Door

Cancer has come knocking at my door again. This time two people I love have to think about it. One may be clear and free, the other is on the edge; for both it was a surprise, as cancer often is, and now I too am on the edge.



When you have survived cancer (a funny statement since just one microscopic cell can start cancer all over again,) you want to believe it is gone forever. Cancer is not yet gone forever. It strikes the healthy, the sick, poor and rich, young and old. My mother once told me at a card game with my elders talking about a relative with, "female cancer" (in a hushed tone). that I need not worry about all that because there would be a cure by the time I grew up. People used to think that way when men were landing on the moon and TVs were in every house.

Now, we know another truth. I have mentioned reconnecting with a cousin whom I was told was in prison. He never was and I had to tell him how his mother beat him raw. I hoped this would hep him understand himself better as an adult. It did. He is thrilled to have me back in his life. His mother was (is? I would never want anything to do with her.) a horrible, selfish, perhaps mentally ill person, though latter seems least likely. The next person I had to bear witness for what she did to them was my cousin's father.

He was a kind, gentle, good, man, who his bitter wife (jealous of her sister and full of hatred toward her mother who denied beating HER) would force to also hit my cousin(s) or she would throw a hysteric temper tantrum. She made him work two jobs as long as I can remember, because no furniture, clothes, car or house was every good enough (ie as nice as her sister's) for her. I SAW this, my entire family watched their drama and ached. When she had an affair and bore a son, her betrayed husband took the child in as his own. He loved her. He shouldered great pain.

Now he has bile duct cancer and is very weak. I had the opportunity to write a letter telling him I SAW, I KNEW, his (HER) family ALL knew, an we sided with him. I was gifted that chance to tell him. I am told the letter brought tears to his eyes. Mine when I wrote it---finally I was unburdened from the secrets held by a 7 year old. No adult had the nerve to stand up to the hysteric, their loss. (and his)

A possible cancer is at my doorstep again and again near Christmas. I always hope for a better New Year, rarely have I had one. My life, so strange and interesting. I thought I would get a break soon. I'm always thinking that. But, I will focus on the successes and joys I HAVE had and WILL have. Life goes on.