Russian Spies Among Us in Seattle

That's right, it seems we had Russian spies here in Seattle. They lived in an apartment building in my old neighborhood. I find this revelation simply hysterical. They were good students at the University of Washington, had children, the man had a good job. They were here a decade, gathering (I'm trying not to laugh) secrets about our government's secret policies. SERIOUSLY?? Who in Russia thought this was a good idea or for that matter necessary? I wonder if they ever sat with me at Starbucks, listening to my stories of how Seattle government works behind closed doors? Ummm, could have clicked on my blog, guys.

Did they watch FOX news? Get on Huffington Post? Is Russia expecting a grand take over by our drones? I might like to see what they got on Bush and Cheney. If a Russian SPY can't figure them out, who can?

From The Seattle Times: "Charging documents unsealed Monday in federal court in New York described a years-long investigation that identified Zottoli and Mills as deep-cover Russian spies who received coded radio transmissions from their Seattle apartment, and jetted to New York to pick up bundles of cash, computer flash drives and a laptop sent from Moscow.
"I just cannot believe it," said David Joyce, who hired Zottoli at Link Conference Service in July 2007. "I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. I'll never believe anything anyone tells me in a job interview again."
A 37-page affidavit from an FBI agent described Zottoli and Mills as part of a Russian spy program that required them to integrate into American life and cultivate sources in policymaking circles. What information Zottoli and Mills provided is unclear and was not included in court documents."

After being caught I got a kick out of the spies biggest complaint to Moscow: The poor quality of their lap top.

MS Bloggers in Seattle, Lisa Emrich Records It

Multiple Sclerosis Trek to Mountain Top, Go Along!

The Special TREK of one who loves a person with MS and this crushes her heart. She is going to do something about it that is unique and fabulous. Check it out and check out her blog:
Multiple Sclerosis Affects Loved Ones Too!!! http://hayleysexperience.blogspot.com/


My Pledge; Send me the name of a loved one or someone you know with MS & when I reach Machu Picchu on my trek in 2011, I will video myself reading aloud their names from a special scroll & post it to my blog. All I ask in return is that you donate £2 on my just giving site. ****That is $3.00 USA***


This is to help others see how many diagnosed people there that can't do things like this trek. Multiple sclerosis may have stopped people from physical activities like this, but I will do all I can to make people more aware of this disease. I don't want people out there to think I am doing this for a free and easy holiday.My real reason for doing this is to raise awareness for a disease that needs to be cured! It's also to raise funds for a charity (MS Society UK - Eastbourne Branch) that has helped thousands of people in the UK who have been diagnosed or know someone with multiple sclerosis.If I wanted to go the Machu Picchu, I could book a flight and do a trek without hassle. I'm not doing that though, I'm going to push myself to raise awareness and help fight this disease because I want to find a cure more than anything else that I could wish for!There are so many people diagnosed with MS that will never be able to attempt to do something like trek to Machu Picchu due to their symptoms. My partner is one of those people. I adore her so much and knowing that she will not be able to experience this amazing sight by my side just kills me. We do everything together except this trek & it's all because of the multiple sclerosis that won't be by my side.I know there are so many others out there to that would give anything to be able to complete an exhaustive 9 day trek and not be taken ill or relapse afterwards. For my partner and for those others, I will make it to the top to see Machu Picchu & I will read aloud the scroll of the names that you (the reader) will give me to let others know that this disease needs a cure NOW!

***From Wikipedia: Machu Picchu (Quechua: Machu Pikchu) – "Old Mountain", pronounced [ˈmɑtʃu ˈpixtʃu]) is a pre-Columbian Inca site located 2,430 metres (7,970 ft) above sea level.[1][2] It is situated on a mountain ridge above the Urubamba Valley in Peru, which is 80 kilometres (50 mi) northwest of Cuzco and through which the Urubamba River flows. Most archaeologists believe that Machu Picchu was built as an estate for the Inca emperor Pachacuti (1438–1472). Often referred to as "The Lost City of the Incas", it is perhaps the most familiar icon of the Inca World.
The Incas started building the estate around AD 1400 but it was abandoned as an official site for the Inca rulers a century later at the time of the Spanish conquest of the Inca Empire. Although known locally, it was unknown to the outside world before being brought to international attention in 1911 by the American historian Hiram Bingham. Since then, Machu Picchu has become an important tourist attraction.***

Extreme Measures with Harrison Ford and Drug Profit

Nextflix finally delivered Extreme Measures, the movie about a father searching for a cure for his children's deadly disease, a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy, and the scientist who has been working on a cure. The scientist can't get enough money to complete his work and the father joins in to fund-raise and eventually get a "where is the profit?" company on board to make the life saving drug. Based on a true story.



It aligned with my own thoughts about how the whole drug business operates. Sadly, it really does come down to money. How much is one life worth? So many people are sick in our world. The need for money to save lives is a reality. We can not all be cured or repaired. Not in our lifetime, maybe never. Perhaps disease is a necessary part of the circle of life. Over population is hot on our trail towards the end.

What makes a person become a researcher of disease? What is their motivation? I believe that altruism is alive and well, without it we would have stopped evolving long ago. Just my belief. But, I don't understand what motivates a drug company CEO or bio tech company's push for FDA approval of a drug they know is going to fail with time. Is it because they have invested so much time and money that just stopping and saying, "This drug really isn't going to help much," would destroy their self esteem or "bottom line?"

Perhaps what America has now is as good as it gets. I don't know. I do know that 6 extra months of life with anal leakage, suicidal thoughts, loss of appetite, is not the life for me.

In the movie, one man makes a difference. One man talks face to face with a scientist who is working on a cure. (And that scientist helps make the cure happen, but it is the man, the father of dying kids, who changes the world. Just one man.) I would love to look into the eyes of a scientist working on a cure for MS, a way to repair myelin. And as the movie shows, it might be good for these MS researchers to look into our eyes.

I guess what I took away from the movie was that we can't wait for "them" to help us. We must help ourselves, and we have the numbers to do it. Now...where to begin...

Gay Irony of 2010 Gay Pride

Here we are, 31 years a couple. Our anniversary often falls on or near Gay Pride day. When we first moved to Seattle, we lived in a studio one block from Broadway, which was known as the main drag in the gay part of Seattle. My partner's sister lived here and her gay friend said, "If they don't live in Capitol Hill, they may as well go back to the Midwest. So, that is where we lived, off and on, for 17 years.
W

We were always just a block from Broadway. Funny, not just because I dreamed of "making it to Broadway" one day, but also because I grew up a block from Broadway in Fort Wayne, Indiana, for 21 years. Maybe I didn't clarify my dreams properly.

Anyway, the first gay pride parade down Broadway in 1982 was coming and we were going to be there! We had been told how open-minded Seattle was. I mean, I spent hours on Christopher Street in NYC looking for a gay couple holding hands back in 1980. Never saw a one. My hopes were high that Seattle was the place.

The parade started and we stood on the sidewalk in front of a small bakery. I had never felt so free before. I was home! The parade lasted about 30 minutes and there were maybe 50 gay people in it and watching. No typo---FIFTY. Though my NYU grad partner kept telling me I just hit a slow day on Christopher St., and we had seen many gay people in Ann Arbor, Michigan, where we first lived, I still thought those people walking proudly and without fear, down the middle of the street holding signs and carrying balloons, was terrific--I even saw some couples holding hands! A first for me.

That was 1982, since then that parade has grown to thousands and lasts hours. We would watch from the roof of the mixed retail building we lived in off Broadway and people would start lining the sidewalk by 6AM, so many people you could barely walk around. The small bakery became a Starbucks and the line was out the door and never ended. Hard to find gay couples who WEREN'T holding hands!

31 years and, yes, times have changed, but we still are an unmarried couple, you know those. They are different from the married couples you know. They are not "all in" better or worse, in sickness and in health--yes, the irony doesn't escape us. As I've often mentioned, most of the heterosexual (I can pronounce it now, Linda, thanks for being such a good friend. Look up the word someday, will ya? FRIEND. Did I pronounce that to your satisfaction?) couples I've ever known were divorced at least once, argued uncontrollably, or couldn't keep their wedding vows to save their life.
But life goes on, it must, and one day we won't need a parade except to honor our history of oppression and discrimination. I guess a day to honor people like my partner and I who will likely die unmarried, a foot note in ancestry records--"never married," and millions more just like us.

103 and Missing Her Mother

Aunt Vi has been asking about her mother again, and why she hasn't visited. Her great-niece, Erin, told Aunt Vi that her mom was sick, in a wheel chair. "Oh, that explains it," Aunt Vi said.



Hopefully, she will remember that by tomorrow. I just keep replaying our last conversation on the day before she fell and ended up in a nursing home. Aunt Vi was as "normal" as ever and very lucid, though she had trouble hearing, we seemed to understand each other.



I really miss those calls. You never know what call will be the last.

Andy, Opie, Gunsmoke--Sign of the Times

Just discovered I can get TV Land channel, that's right, I'm talking Gunsmoke, and The Andy Griffith Show. Pretty sure I watched every AGS episode as a kid. Opie was my age, wait, let me Google that...ok, he was 3 years older, anyhoo, I loved Mayberry and the gang. Opie didn't have a mom; I didn't have a dad. Opie had Aunt Bee (I always thought it was Bea, like MY own Aunt Bea, they even kinda looked alike)--What did I think? Looking at it through the eyes of a 53 year old instead of a 3 year old? Well, Andy was very strong and fit in my mind, but today he looked a bit "lift some weights and eat salad"ish; Aunt Bee didn't look as fat as I thought. Compared to most Americans of that age group, she looks normal. (They say she was gay. Her tombstone reads: "To live in the hearts of those left behind is not to die." I like that.)

Howard, the geeky, tall, thin, accountant, looked like a regular guy--not thin, just normal. Have body types changed or am I comparing to people who live in Seattle? We tend to be on the thinner side here, lots of biking, walking, skinny-lattes and such. Few over-weight people in my retirement home.

Well, I'm looking forward to checking out some more episodes. They come in COLOR now!!

Multiple Sclerosis CARTOON

By Diane

Waiting for Dr. Google CARTOON

My first try.

Who is the Conservative? Who is the Liberal? And WHY?

Am I the only one lost? Obama wants troops out, people complain. He says he will keep troops there. Complaints. He says he will send more. Complaints. Then his General says he is not sending enough troops. And a Republican is always lurking around somewhere jumping on the complaint band wagon.

Didn't the Republicans have a hissy fit when that soldier stood up and spoke his mind about the Iraq mess? Oh, how they complained that a soldier should NEVER disrespect his commanding officer in such a way. (Bush) Now a General and his buddies speak out in Rolling Stone (Jump Back!) and trash on the plan of their commanding officer and I hear no indignant Republican, Conservatives complaining...I also don't hear liberals saying, "HEAR HIM OUT." The only person saying that is Obama.

Apparently your political stance can follow the wind, be thee GOP conservative or Dem liberal.

MS Seated Exercise to Help with Incontinence Blips

This exercise to help prevent incontinence, those "blips" when you sneeze that most women over 40 start to experience (and it only gets worse with age), is especially bothersome to women with MS. At the small meeting of MS bloggers at my retirement home, one woman mentioned this exercise that has helped many women. I hope I heard her right, if not she will tell me!


1. Sit on a firm chair and place a ball between your knees.
Breathe slowly.
2. As you exhale, push your knees in on the ball and
squeeze. You should feel your pelvic floor muscles
tighten and your belly pull up and in.
3. Then inhale and roll or pull your knees out and relax.
4. Repeat 10 times.
After this becomes easy, begin to hold your ball squeeze for
a comfortable count of while keeping your normal breathing pattern.

This strengthens your hip abductors that will make it easier to hold your blips.
(Works for men too.)

The ROLL part:

1. Sit on a firm chair. Place the ball between your knees and
place the elastic band around your legs above your knees.
Breathe slowly.
2. As you inhale, roll out against the band to tightening your
pelvic floor and pull your belly button up and in.
3. As you exhale, roll your knees in and squeeze the ball to
tighten your pelvic floor and pull your belly button up and
in.
4. Repeat this 10 times.

There are many exercises to help with the blips, but these can be done while seated. I'm starting today!

Blogger Friend Has Massive Stroke

Doug will need care for the rest of his life. Help a fellow blogger if you can. Every $1 helps. He, like so many other Americans, had no health insurance when he was hit by a massive stroke. Read his last post the day before his stroke...it was as if he knew. http://www.furibundum.net/

Daughter Conversation with Mother and Alzheimer's

BRRRRR
Mom: "Hello?"
Diane: "MOTHER! I got you!"
M: "I'm right here."
D: "I called twice..."
M: "This phone is funny. It rings so soft. How are you?"
D: "I'm fine. The weather here is awful, so wet and cloudy I can't see the mountains."
M: "Oh my. (She laughs.) It is warm here."
D: "I saw on the TV news that you had big storms there."
M: "Really? They didn't come here."
D: "Well, that's good. How are YOU? How is your diabetes?"
M: " I'm fine. They give me my pills. I feel fine."
D: "Do you know who this is?" (Hold it...hold it...)
M: "Diane! Silly."
D: "Well you didn't remember my name last time." (Or the time before.)
M: (She laughs.) Really? Oh, come on.
D: I got my genes tested, I didn't have any for multiple sclerosis!" (I'm condensing for her.)
M: For what?"
D: "Multiple sclerosis. (no reply) M S."
M: "This phone is bad." (And here we go. If I had a dime for every time the words MS made her phone stop working...and so, I will do what I always have--change subject.)
D: "Any plans for today?"
M: "Oh, just sitting here waiting for time to pass. What are your plans?" (zap)
D: (I laugh.) "Same thing."
M: "Well, thanks for calling." (My cue to hang up.)
D: "Ok, talk to you later. Bye."
M: "Bye." CLICK

We have danced this dance many times over 30 years and although the steps may differ a bit, the music stays the same. We both must get something out of it (Well, I do, I am the phone call instigator 90% of the time over 30 years.) I think I always get the same thing: the joy from hearing her laugh, the peace of knowing she is still just a phone call away.

Banana Joke for Black Kids and Cop Slugs Teen

In a city close to Seattle, a boy hung bunches of bananas around an area of his high school where, in his words, "The black kids hang out." He spoke to a reporter, showing little remorse, just a joke and all, and he doesn't think he should miss his graduation. Yes, he is white and yes, the kids with brown skin were not laughing. 2010...geez.

Two African American girls were stopped for jay walking and while the cop tried to handcuff the one teen, the other shoved him and the cop slugged her straight-on in the face. At least he didn't shoot her. SHE apologized to HIM behind closed doors. 2010...geez.

Meeting a Blogger in Person: Are They Real?

My Oh my! What a day at my home! I awoke at 5AM, got cleaned up, had laid out the clothes I planned to wear for the big "Meet the MS Bloggers" event of a lifetime, changed my mind so many times, finally picked a white tee and silk humming bird vest. I would wear my sunny Seattle weaved hat with leather trim on brim.

My caregiver arrived 6AM sharp! I did my exercises, ate breakfast, felt fantastic. Partner and I had prepare and filmed title shot for the event on my new fancy camcorder--woo hoo! Then it happened.

MS struck. I couldn't make the fast transfer to toilet and pooped all over myself. 7AM, now I am a mess. My caregiver rushes back and together we clean me up, but I am exhausted and humiliated. This has not happened to me in a year! Why today!!?? %^&*(

I rip off my clothes, get in my lift-chair and fall asleep. It is now 8AM. Just...a...short...n a p....
10AM I wake up and can't believe the time. I have forgotten to take my pill for spasticity. I summon partner. Together we get me dressed, "Just grab anything!" I start reading up again about the operation of my new camcorder. The phone rings, it is the front desk and "Your group has arrived." It is 10:45AM The phong rings, it is the president of the resident council who has not spoken to me in 2 months (since the last meeting where we had it out), she wants the treasurer, and us to meet at 2:30 instead of 3. "Ok." I say, wondering how my body is going to pull this off. Now, I think I better meet the bloggers ahead of my planned noon time.

Camcorder in hand and recording, I head out. No cool, silk vest, no cool brimmed hat, and the fear of another accident hanging over me, onward to the bistro!

As I got closer I could hear the sound of women and laughter. I enter the full bistro with my camcorder filming. Immediately Jen from Health Central (the one who has been threatening to kiss me for weeks now) jumped up with arms in air, "Diane!"

Thus began the introductions: Jen, her adorable mother, Mary, Lisa from Brass and Ivory and her handsome guy Rob, Webster from halt stop forget relax, a native Seattelite, and Gretchen, who has MS and is a blog reader. Greg, the Viewpointe Marketing Director, had already greeted them and fresh fruit with pastries were at the ready--made by our chef. (There was coffee, but I think Jen drank it all, as she was revved up. HA! We like to kid each other and that online relationship stayed just the same in real life---we have the same sense of humor.)

After some chatting, off to look at my apartment. It is a bit of a hike from the front door to where I live--I was surprised everyone made it without sitting along the way! My apt. was a hit, questions: "Why is your bookcase so far from the wall?" (Lisa determined it was because the baseboard heater was there.) "Is this your computer!? Mine is just like it." (No, that large one is the graphic designers, my better half, mine is small and sits next to my lift-chair.) It was a very cloudy day and although I have a fantastic view from my decks, the Cascade Mt. range was not visible, though Lisa saw a speck of it.

Back we went (thanks, Rob, for unlocking the door for me) to the social room and comfy chairs awaited us. Thursday, late, I was informed that my pianist would appear, so I left my uke at home (I actually managed to figure out the intro I needed!); he did not show up. It was now 12:55PM, I was determined to sing that darn song I'd been rehearsing and Jen offered (thrown into it actually) to video it. Just then my partner, Karenlee, showed up to snap some photos and I don't even know if I properly introduced her, though they seemed to know who she was (she had been at lunch and passed us earlier as we made our way to social room, Webster made a big impression on her, "She was SO nice to me. Everyone seemed so nice and normal, very real." Yep, my peeps, I love 'em.) , any way, I sang the song, poorly, as soon as I sang/hummed the intro, Jen moved the camcorder and yelled/laughed. "The Rainbow Connection!" Was that the moment? We will never know and probably for the best, after I stopped singing, Jen said,, "Uh-oh, the record word just came up." That's right, nothing on my camcorder but me done singing, and Jen saying, "...the record word just came up." Too funny. I laugh every time I look at it.

My earlier recording? Completely black, except for the title sign. Hahahahha Now, my fellow MSers, had iPhones, Flip Cams, and a variety of smaller, cooler, easier to use cameras than mine, (it was so small when I got it a week ago...) and I know they got some wonderful photos of all of us in the bistro, and Lisa got something; sooo, after Lisa and Jen get back from their cruise I am sure you will see something better than my one photo here.

Jen disappeared at one point to talk on her cell phone--geez---scared her mother to death (and I thought for sure she fell, we made Rob look for her), it was really very special. These women were exactly as they write. Nobody was 20 years older than the pics they show of themselves, no weirdo freako strangers from the Internet. Real flesh and blood, just how they come through on their blogs. I had a great time. Yes, it was too short, but such is life with MS. We make do.

2PM I got kissed by Jen. (DRAT!) Hugs all around and off I went to change into clothes slightly more professional for the council meeting. 2:40 I was at meeting. 3-4:10 we "met," I was home, stretching out my back, by 4:30. I had made all the transfers myself! Whew! After the awful beginning of the day, it ended just fine. I was no worse for the wear. (And I feel fine today.)

Thank you all who visited me! I learned about a new exercise to strengthen my core and help stress incontinence; I sang a song in front of people; I discovered my peeps are as special as I thought they were and I found out I can fail, start over, and end on a high note. Woo Hoo!

PHOTO ABOVE: L to R standing--Webster, Mary, Lisa, Rob
seated Jen, Diane

Today MS Bloggers Arrive! What Me Worry?

Just waiting on some MS bloggers to arrive---should be photos tomorrow and a few good stories!

Why and How? Woman with MS Walks!

Taking on Too Much with MS OR MS Bloggers Head for Seattle

Well, it is happening. Some MS bloggers are meeting at my retirement home. Thursday. Tomorrow. I have been practicing a song to sing for entertainment and because I have never sang before an audience. Check off my bucket list, you could say. Can I sing? I have no idea. Will there be photos and a video? Ya betcha! Have I ever used a camcorder before? No. Yep, check another one off. Should be a riot.

Our chef is going to make some treats. Yes, there shall be food. Currently, Seattle is expecting 64', maybe some sun. Even taxis have problems finding my place. Good luck my blogger mates.
My pianist is likely going to be a no show. I can only sit up in my chair two hours, so we have a lot of cramming to do. One hour after I call it quits, the bi-monthly resident council meeting takes place and it will be a doozie! Our beloved secretary has passed away, the president and vice-president (that's me) are not speaking to each other. We have hired a new chef, manager, marketing director, activities director, and van driver (with what looks to be a tattoo of the devil in flames covering the entire back of his bald head---I TOLD you, this is NOT your grandfather's retirement home!) since the last council meeting...I can't...cough, cough, hack, wait.

If my MS can keep me going through all this, well, the word "miracle" comes to mind. Now, you may wonder, "Why, Diane? Why are you doing this?" I am doing it because I think it will bring awareness about people with MS to the world. We can travel, meet strangers and make them friends, sing, laugh, share our unrequested bond. I hope to show off my home and by doing so, show that such places are not scary or "a dead end." Moving here was a leap I took toward asking for help and accepting I couldn't go it alone.

We MS bloggers who will gather are very excited to put something concrete to words and pictures on a page. Why Diane, are you going to the council meeting? Because I accepted the duty and I take duty seriously. Can't wait to see how I hold up. (The dates just happened to overlap. yea...)

It's the HOLE, Stupid!

Waiting anxiously for President Obama's speech about the disaster in our Gulf, oil that is, black tea, Texas gold, what the cuss?? Did I hear him correctly? We need to pray? That's it? Seriously? Oh, I'm sure nobody dying of fumes and sludging through oil on the beaches, has thought of that answer to the problem yet. PLUG THE DAMN HOLE! I must be the stupidest person in the world---but, is this brain surgery? PLUG THE HOLE! Those BP executives in front of our questioning politicians, looked like they had all had lobotomies! Golf balls? Seriously? Did THAT BP scientist get a raise for that brilliant idea? Mix a hurricane into this slimy mess and some state will be wiped out. WIPED OUT. Oh, right, "it's complicated," so says our president...again and again and again. All this shows me is that humans are too dumb to drill for oil. Park your car. Switch your heat to electricity or solar. We are too stupid to drill, baby, drill.

Clowns at Funerals and Zeta-Jones Won Tony?

My mother told me, many years ago, I was in high school, that she wanted "Send In The Clowns" played at her funeral. I found this humorous, just Mom being Mom--not really understanding the song, just wanting clowns at her funeral.

As I watched the Tony Awards the other night, Catherine Zeta Jones sang the song from her Tony winning performance (Did any of you see her performance? Seemed a bit over the top...do you suppose hubby Michael Douglas bought it for her? His act, er, reaction when she won the Tony seemed a bit much...can a Tony be bought? Hmmm) and I got to thinking. Maybe my mom knew exactly what it meant. It certainly fits her life.

Send in the Clowns by Stephen Sondheim:

"Isn't it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground,You in mid-air. Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss?Don't you approve?One who keeps tearing around,One who can't move.Where are the clowns?Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,Making my entrance again with my usual flair,Sure of my lines,No one is there.Don't you love farce?My fault I fear.I thought that you'd want what I want.Sorry, my dear.

But where are the clowns?Quick, send in the clowns.Don't bother, they're here.Isn't it rich?Isn't it queer,Losing my timing this late In my career?And where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns. Well, maybe next year."

Entrepreneur of the Year is Helping MS Research

The president and founder of the Myelin Repair Project, Scott Johnson, recently won the Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year award for the entire region of Northern California . This award is typically given to for-profit business owners but this regional chapter E&Y also wanted to honor social entrepreneurs for their work.

Scott Johnson was diagnosed with MS at age 20, living his entire adult life with the disease. He became a serial entrepreneur, starting multiple companies and consulting for the Boston Consulting Group. After he left the business world, he made it his personal mission to find a treatment for MS, applying his past experience in creating the Myelin Repair Foundation. With the MRF he is now able to make a significant impact on other people w/ MS around the world.

The hope is that the E&Y Entrepreneur of the Year Award will help to elevate awareness and interest in MS and in MS research among an audience of entrepreneurs. The next step after winning the regional awards is the national awards in November, and we need all the help we can get to get out the word to the MS community online.

Visit http://www.myelinrepair.org to learn more about the Myelin Repair Project. stopping MS progression is great, but we must also fix what is broken.

Venturing to Blood Draw Alone. Trip to Vampires

This will seem like no bid deal to most of you, but I know some of you will understand. My friend was too sick to accompany me to a blodd draw I scheduled a month ago. See, I get it drawn at the clinic I used to live close enough to that I could ride my scooter there. (For MS novices, as I once was, a scooter is not the same as a power chair. It is stronger, faster, more Vespa than Pasta.) (? I'm blood short, sorry.) The vampires there are GOOD. They are fast, find the vein easily, in and out in minutes! No pain.

It is worth the drive to go there instead of where my clinic doctor moved across town to. Besides, I can fill up on water, knowing I will be home soon. Anyway, I went today by myself. Found the correct lab, filled out the forms, removed my coat and put it back on, didn't get lost in elevator tour ride through the basement parking (SIX FLOORS! Who knew?), and managed to power my power chair up over a strange riser of metal in the van that took me.

I also scheduled my caregivers at my home to help me dress to go out, make my breakfast upon return, help me do my weights, and well, I did it!

The best part was the conversation with the van driver. She was new, her husband had lost most of his vision, so he quit his job in construction and became a minister. He was struggling with parishioners who came to him with small problems compared to his own. Woo Hoo! An opportunity! Oh how I love such gifts. I gave her several of my speeches, often given over the years. By the end she was thanking me, calling me HER gift, and so on.

This will give me much to ponder about courage verses bravery. I still struggle to understand where my fearless self went. By the way, I started another Blog: Plato or Play Dough (just changed to Play Dough or Plato) so that I could help someone start their own blog. It probably won't last long, since I keep trying to cut back on blog time to focus on my "work in progress" book. But, it is a bit fun, just helps keeps the noggin sharp to find a few words to say a lot. you know?

Wishing you all a gifted day!

How Attitude Affects Multiple Sclerosis

My neurologist told me, in 1993, that I didn't need to worry about my MS because, "You have such a good attitude." I left wondering what he meant. Was it because I made jokes? Was it because I was fearless? People over the years have told me that I have a "great attitude." Seriously? Me, the cynic? Me, the "If you want it done right--you have to do it yourself."? Me, the, "Prove it." and "Why should I?"

In my still clear (I THINK, I mean, who knows when they have gone crazy?) memory, my family never once told me that I had a good attitude.

Perhaps what the neurologist meant was that to be happy and live with MS, one must be able to combine humor with cockiness. a little tad of defiance, and stay cool. Yes, I believe I have that attitude. It also served me well when I dealt with ovarian cancer and those two surgeries. I figure, if somebody is going to keep me in stitches, the least I can do is return the favor.

Stay cool? Duh--yeah, I don't want to get my doctor all upset and nervous.

Ask "why?" Been doing that since I could speak; luckily, I had a parent who never took it personally. Now it is recommended that patients ask questions, unlike the pre-80s when doctors were still Gods.

So, I don't take offense when attitude is brought up in conversations about health, MY health. When I hear someone accused of causing or not "beating" their disease because of a bad attitude--that irks me no end. Attitude may be (MAY) 1% of the equation, but I find it insulting to suggest otherwise.

DNA Results are In! What it Tells About Multiple Sclerosis

I was so excited to get my DNA results back that I burst my bubble wrap! What a rush!
They color-coded according to most dire need to "get ye to a doctor." I never got to red or orange on anything! Woo Hoo! And...hold it...hold it...I have NO MS abnormalities!!!

"Your genetics indicate you have a typical predisposition for multiple sclerosis, meaning you are similar to the average person. Adopting a healthy diet and exercise plan, plus routine visits to your doctor, will help promote your well-being." (Part One Code Light Green)


"Multiple sclerosis (MS) often runs in families, suggesting a role of genetic factors. Genetic variations in the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) region of Chromosome 6 have long been known to play a role in susceptibility and we test some of these genetic markers in this region. Other genes are less well understood, but we examine both validated genetic markers as well as some newly identified genes representing the latest research on this condition.
Intriguingly, MS is much more common in people of European descent, though this may be due to genetics or to shared environmental factors. Because the condition is rare in non-European populations, it has not been widely studied in people of African or Asian descent. As such, only data from studies using large cohorts of European descent are represented. Genetic risk factors found in Caucasians may well apply to people of other ethnicities, but
this has not been proven. Also, only the most common relapsing-remitting form of MS has been well studied and all the information provided here relates to relapsing-remitting MS." Fini.

The not so good yellow code went to late onset Alzheimer's (what my mother has) and ALS! Oh, and heart attack, OH and melanoma! Interesting.

Except for my mom and her brother's heart problems (though he lived to be about 98), none of these have "run" in my maternal side that I know of. There was a bad lung disease gene which fascinated me because my grandfather died of lung cancer, yet he never smoked.

One drug interaction I need to consider: Warfarin (prevents blood clotting)

Now that they have my DNA they will contact me when new tests are available. I will tell them not to bother testing for the MS gene...on the other hand, it might give credence to the notion that MS can be caused by trauma to brain/spine and perhaps is not a disease as we know "disease" at all. Something to think about.

New MS Device to Rehab My Swollen Feet

Always trying something new---this cheap, plastic device (that probably made someone millions) lets your feet simulate walking, while you are seated. It will keep the blood circulating, lightweight, sounds super! I don't have the foot strength or calf strength to move the left one. I had hoped it would have a teeter-totter effect...but, no.

And off I head in search of the next affordable device to help my MS.

Teenager Lost at Sea. Is There Good Risk?

Abby Sunderland dreamed of sailing solo around the world since she was 13. Her older brother did it already. So, at age 16 she would have broken a record and been the youngest to sail solo around the world, and she set out Jan.23., with all the latest technology and she posted all the way on a blog http://soloround.blogspot.com/.

Today she is in trouble. Her family is certain she is alive, just needs help. Thing is, even though a distress beacon went off, so far nobody can locate her. Funny how the big oceans are like that---big, rough, not a game. Why sail the seas? Because they are there. It is a common refrain from risk takers. After they achieve their goal, we ordinary types applaud and surround them with admiration.

We can debate the soundness of her and her parent's decision to take this risky dream and attempt to make it a reality, but we will always lose as we are told "where would the human race be without risk takers?" OK, but this really irked me, I was insulted today by the girl's father who it is reported that he said better to die following your dream than sitting in front of your TV safe and sound. (Yes, I heard that on the TV...in front of me.)

Look, you want to climb mountains faster than anyone before or sail around the world younger than anyone before---knock yourself out. I find nothing to admire in risking your life for the sake of "never been done" or "to see if I can, to test what I am made of."

Tell me you did it because discrimination has held your race or gender down (like Amelia Earhart); tell me you are fighting for freedom or trying to cure a disease. Fire fighters, police officers, soldiers, I applaud you---kids trying to break records?

My life is not less because I am disabled and watch TV shows about trips to Bosnia, instead of going to Bosnia. I am not less than anyone, based on what risks I take. I am a good person who does what I can to make the world a better place. Risk taking for the sake of adventure is more risk than I would let my 16 year old take.

Original Oratory and Good Quotes to Dine By

There is always an inspirational quote printed on the back of our menus at my retirement place. You know how I feel about quotes, ok, if you insist, I'll refresh your memory: I am sick of them. Just say something original yourself, not something I can Google.

The closeted speech writer in me can't help but admire a good quote though, which is usually plucked from a speech. "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
-Helen Keller

Got me to thinkin'; is that true? Must we all suffer to build character? Certainly in my life I have found the most character-rich and soulful people to be those who have had to endure suffering. But success? It seems luck plays a powerful role in the lives of successful people. But then, we must define success---do we mean financial, or achieved goals? Isn't raising kind and giving children a huge success? And doesn't that require a bit of luck?

How might suffering make one ambitious? And how shall we define suffering? Doesn't every human suffer at one time or another? Yet, many throw in the towel.

Isn't "ease and quiet" a human goal used to maintain a state of peace?

Maybe I don't like stand alone quotes, out of context, without the visage of the speaker, because I find the need to dissect them.

Can an Incurable Romantic be Cured? Watch Valentine's Day the movie.

Two people cured me and I watched a movie yesterday that made me want to thank them. The movie was, Valentine's Day, and you (you know who you are) have cured an incurable romantic.

What is not to love? Stevie Wonder and one of my all time favorite songs, For Once in My Life, along with I'm in the Mood for Love, Maroon 5 doing The Way You Look Tonight, WILLIE NELSON doing On the Street Where You Live---oh, how I sang these songs with you in mind.

Thank my lucky stars someone else took on the job of mending my broken heart. It is so horrible when you have not done anything wrong, just nothing good enough. Kind of kicks the romantic out of you.

I digress. Valentine's Day was a fabulous movie for all us romantics, cured or not, a gay love story, a mother and son tear jerker, a 60 year couple almost calling it quits, and some of my favorite stars: Shirley Maclaine, Kathy Bates, Queen Latifah, along with Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Hector Elizondo, Ashton Kutcher---HOW did one of my favorite directors, Garry Marshall, pull that off?

George Lopez was a riot and the movie is great fun. Some where deep inside me that incurable romantic hides, stomped on and ripped to shreds...I think. I hope.

MS Word of the Day: Contractures // See My Finger

MS Word of the Day: Contractures
Muscle weakness and spasticty can cause joint contractures due to the natural flex imbalance. The photo below is my pinkie finger on my left hand. When I first noticed that it was not bending well, I asked my neurologist about it--he had no comment. Years later, as it seemed to be getting worse and I could no longer type properly (which I needed to do at my job), still my MS doctor had nothing to say. He dumped his practice and I brought up my pinkie to the next neuro who said, and I quote, "I have never seen anything like it." (This was a "Director of MS" at her hospital!)
When my ring finger started to get tight and I couldn't wear my "wedding ring" that was a real heart-breaker. I searched the Internet and self-diagnosed the problem. Later, while in the hospital because a medic grabbed my wrist too tight , giving me radial nerve palsy, the attending physician immediately told me that it was a contracture. He showed great surprise that a neurologist would not know. (I am SURE she knew!) Later still, I would see a nerve specialist who said all I could do is have surgery or botox shots. Neither would guarantee a fix, and botox shots would be ongoing.

My next neurologist dismissed the problem, just as all the others had. WHY? I will never know. Now all of the fingers on my left hand are headed toward completely limited joint motion. This problem should have been addressed a decade ago with rehab. I had to deal with it myself with common sense---moving them as much as I can, wearing a brace (that looks like it is from a trash can, some occupational therapist made it for me during a visit for my right arm/hand palsy.) which I lost a year ago. Note to self: get a new one, just hate dealing with PTs, OTs, who are "one size fits all and that will be $350" I think I'll make one with duct tape.

Update: MRSA Can Be Cured Says CDC

UPDATE: Angie is going home. She will be "cured" after taking her antibiotics. I'll say. The CDC concurs. (read comments on previous post for more info)

MRSA Stitches, Hospital Lack of Cleanliness

And there is Angie, all smiles and happy to be finished with the cut on her hand.

Next photo she unwraps and now there is new incision and rubber-looking drainage plug-ins. (Yes, that's the technical word.) (I'm sure my nurse-blogees will correct me.)

She sat in front of me, poking it. I showed my dismay. She said they told her to push the palm and move the fingers. Sooo, since we would later learn she had MRSA (spread by skin to skin touch, especially any small scratch opening to internal system)

MRSA stands for Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. That is a super bug that we humans have made thanks to our ignorance about antibiotics. It can stand for any staph infection that can't be stopped by our current antibiotics . It very often is picked up in hospitals, like where Angie first went with her finger cut and they stitched it up after making her wait for hours with only paper towels she had to wrap around the blood-gushing finger!

You can read more about MRSA from the Mayo Clinic here.

As of this date, Angie is still in hospital and sounds terrible. Just cleaning a vase one minute...now a condition without a cure that may return again and again...breaks my heart.

Infected Finger Cut Leads to MRSA?

This was Angie's hand right after she had the deep cut stitched. (Yes, she took the photo.) I will keep you posted, but things have gone from bad to worse. She was admitted last night to hospital for a THIRD surgery on the spreading infection. She spoke to me briefly and I think I heard "MRSA." The story get very complicated, and I will post it all when I can. Needless to say, I am smack dab in the middle of a mess for my partner and me. Keep the good thoughts coming.

Learn about MRSA here.

Dr. Peter Weiss Speaks--Take Charge of Your Care

Dr. Peter J. Weiss, physician, healthcare executive, health coach and author speaks to the LaChance community on the fundamentals of managing one’s own health care.

"When my publisher Victor Starsia asked me to write for the LaChance newsletter, I thought, what do I have to say to this community - to people who are more medically sophisticated than most, and also a lot more aware of the limits as well as the benefits of modern medicine? I know many of you have been touched by a serious illness, either directly or through a family member or close friend. You may have had to rely on medical care, perhaps a lot of it.

Everything has its place in life, but we have given modern medicine, with its focus on the chemistry and physics of illness, too prominent of a place. We've forgotten that we are not treating diseases; we are helping people with diseases.
I am focused on empowering patients to manage their own care. Allow me to make three fundamental suggestions to you in dealing with an illness or physical condition or when engaging with the healthcare system.

Be in Charge of Your Care

Somehow, we have developed the idea that physicians know best, that medicine is too complicated for us to understand, that we must trust the judgment of the experts. Perhaps we've been complicit in this because it's emotionally easier not to bear responsibility for our own decision-making. These ideas just aren't true.
Your doctor may be an expert on your particular diagnosis and certain treatments, but he or she cannot be an expert on you. Only you really know yourself - your hopes, fears, and goals; how treatment affects you; how to balance the objective risks and benefits based on your values. The doctor cannot know these things. Neither can your partner, your children or your friends.

Complex subjects can be explained in simple terms. You don't have to learn all the details, but you should be able to understand the basics. How exactly might this treatment benefit me? How might it hurt me? What other alternatives are available? What if I do nothing? Find a doctor, nurse or other medical professional that can explain it simply for you. They're out there.

Even assuming your physician is an expert; realize that he doesn’t know everything. Most doctors in America have been educated and trained in the western tradition of medicine. How much does your doctor know that comes from other traditions? Possibly very little. Yet your best answers may come from traditions outside of western medicine. Will your physician be able to help you find them? There’s a good chance that he or she will not.


It's okay to take your time. Most medical issues are not emergencies. Get more opinions if you need them. Look at "alternative medicine." Could a lifestyle change make a difference? Ask, "What's best for me?" Weigh all of the options and decide for yourself.

Give Yourself a Break

It's hard to be sick or to deal with medical problems. It's even harder if you must be responsible for determining your own course of therapy, and I've just suggested that you must. Being responsible for your care does not mean beating yourself up for your present condition, and it is stressful. So encourage yourself a little.

Most people are very hard on themselves regarding health issues. Self-critical thinking is common, especially with the "lifestyle diseases." I’m weak. I have no willpower. I'm a failure. With other illnesses people might think – I should be better than I am. I'm different. I'm really not handling this very well. Why can't I be upbeat like everyone else?

In reality, you probably aren't much different than everyone else. No one has it all together. You just don't know about others' problems and feelings. I've heard this described as, "We compare our insides to other people's outsides." Very true. And universal.

Medical professionals are no exception. The same physicians who so confidently advise patients on their best options don't do any better when roles are reversed and they're the patients. They get just as confused, depressed and demoralized as anyone else. And they have just as much trouble making decisions. I have read many essays by doctors facing serious illness and this is a universal theme.

Pretty much all of us are just doing the best we can in life, day by day. You probably are too. It's okay to have problems and it's okay not to be dealing with it very well. Tell yourself that. Accept yourself as you are. Then just focus on the next step. What is it I choose to do now?

Ask for Help

If you're going to be responsible for your care you probably could use some help. Most of us could, but we don’t ask. Why is that? More unhelpful thinking – They’re too busy. I'm too embarrassed. I don't want to be a burden. Actually people do want to help.

Prove it to yourself by envisioning the reverse situation. Imagine that your partner, child, friend or neighbor needed your help but was afraid to ask. You want to help, don't you? Don't you wish they would just ask? Perhaps you would even offer first because you sense they won't ask. It feels good to help others.

Remember that you're not that different from most people. They want to help too. If only you would ask.

What should you ask for? It's up to you, but I'd ask for all the help I could get. Help understanding my treatment options. Help changing my lifestyle. Help managing my emotions. Help with tasks and activities where required. You will find that all of life gets easier when you can ask for assistance.

These three concepts cut both ways. I've expressed them from the patient point of view, but they have implications for providers and caregivers too. As a provider, family member or friend, understand that you can't know what's best for another person. Don't try to control their treatment. They must own their choices.

Know too that they may have many intense feelings that they have not shared with you or anyone. Allow them to share if they are willing, but don't expect it all to be revealed. A good rule would be to assume that they're hurting more than you know. Encourage and support them.

Lastly, assume that they need help and are afraid to ask. You can ask, but you might consider just offering assistance up front.

Let me confess that I'm not perfect at following my own advice, but I'm working on it. Please share your ideas and comments with me by email at pete@drpeterjweiss.com. I would enjoy hearing from you.


Dr. Weiss’ new book, More Health, Less Care: How To Take Charge of Your Medical Care and Write Your Own personal Prescription for Lifelong Health is available at www.lachancepublishing.com and in bookstores everywhere. Please visit Dr. Weiss at www.drpeterjweiss.com .

Golden Girls Rue McClanahan, And Then There Was One

Even Good, Healthy, Young People Can Die for No Good Reason

BP just said that the people getting sick who are working around their oil geyser (let's never call it a "spill" again, GIMME A BREAK), probably just got food poisoning somewhere. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? CUSS YOU, BP, and everyone who enabled you.) But that is not what this post is about.

My good friend Angie is also a caregiver and she is my "Walk Again" helper. I have mentioned her often in posts. To me, she is a hero, a working single mother, she reminds me of Aunt Vi's independent streak, my mother's innocent kindness, and my romantic nature. We would call each other after silly, romantic TV shows and dissect them. "Can you believe?!" "Did you see?!" She has been so busy working (for herself and attempting to start a cleaning business, much needed in Seattle, though she also will care give, nanny, her business card motto is: "As You Like It." She was left with two small children, beautiful, smart, sweet children, the kind you hope you will have, both under 11, about 7 years ago. Just a few days ago she sat, alone, the only woman in the bleachers, in the rain, watching her youngest hit a baseball for his team.

She also recently started a diet of low carbs, although she looks great already, her sister's wedding is soon and she wanted to "get in better shape," she had lost 11lbs. and many inches. We measured her two weeks, off came the inches---we were all so excited. My partner has been helped by her too. When there was no one else to call, Angie would come. Day or night, in rain and snow storms. I'm sorry, I am getting choked up as I type this at 2AM...the moon is so bright out my window...should have been a lovely day.

Monday Angie called me from her car, she had been cleaning a vase at her home (where her sister moved in the lower part of a rented house, not too long ago) and it broke. Some loose change was at the bottom, as she reached to pull it out, she cut her finger. It wouldn't stop bleeding so her sister told her to go to a hospital. (It was Memorial Day.) She thought she saw a clinic near the mall, did I know anything about that? Would it be open? She had started the call with, "Now don't freak out." (I am not one to "freak out" and that only meant that someone had been freaking out. I remembered my mom's finger cut when blood hit the kitchen ceiling, a bath towel was bled through and my 18 year old brother, plus our German Shepherd both passed out.)

I didn't and I could sense some fear in her voice. "Find a fire station, Angie. They can stop the bleeding and get you to an ER. You shouldn't be driving." (My partner was hearing all this and got on her computer to search for the address of a fire station.) "Okay. Oh, I think I see it. I'll call you when I know more." I didn't from her again for 2 hours. She was still waiting to be seen and "I'm using up so many paper towels. It's really starting to hurt. I think they're coming. I'll call you when I leave."

She would in fact wait another hour to be seen and the cut required 7 stitches. It was small, but deep. But, she was home and just another bit of bad luck for her on a bad luck kind of week. Yesterday morning she texted me: Her entire hand was swollen and hurt very bad. She was going to an ER. I texted back: Antibiotics. She texted: Yea (sarcasm or a yeah meant) She ended with: I will let you know when I'm done.

Two hours later she called me and with a quivering voice said she was still waiting. I did the best I could to comfort her and we ended with her promise to call me as soon as she knew anything.
Over four hours later I was coming in our apt. door from lunch, my partner had gotten back before me and was on the phone with a distraught look on hr face, "Diane just got back. Do you want to..." she handed me the phone, "Angie wants to talk to you."

They wanted to operate on her hand. "What should I DO? I can't not work, my kids, they say it is bad." She was very upset. "Angie, you have to let them operate. Don't worry. It will be okay. You can do this. It will be okay. Is someone with you?" "I called some friends to drive me home." It will be okay.

She got control of her fear and again said she would call when it was over. We waited. And waited. And waited. I realized I had no "home" phone number for her, damn cell phones. I didn't know the last name of her sister or much else about her extended family. I didn't know what clinic or hospital she was at. It is times like this I hate my MS. HATE.

Around 6PM the phone rang. It was Angie. She was subdued and exhausted. They had put her under, reopened her cut and cut into her hand from another area. The infection had spread fast, another hour could have meant amputation or worse. She was told to go home and rest, no cleaning, and go back to the hand surgeon today. "I can't be without my right hand. I have to work. I was thinking I could use vinegar instead of sprays..." (What? She wasn't thinking clearly yet.) "My car payment. I won't be able to make it." I had to stop this. "Angie, I will take care of the car payment. Don't worry, just get home and rest. Don't think about your job right now. It will all work out. It will be okay. Angie, this is very serious. You could lose your hand or even die." (Yes, I said it.) "Don't say that!" "Then forget about your job for now. Go home and go to bed. Is someone there to take care of the kids?" "Yes, OK, I am exhausted. That's what I'll do. Don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow."

I am up at 3AM and am very worried. I should be there with her. I hate MS. HATE. She just turned 29. She was just cleaning a vase.

To Be a Nun: The Mills Foster Paradox

When I was about 8, I decided I wanted to become a nun. Maybe watching "The Trouble with Nuns" starring Hayley Mills (yes, I had a crush on her) put me in the mood. If all the nuns were that hot, wait, I'm veering off topic. Okay, I liked the idea of living in a big, like, mansion with people around all the time, but plenty of private time.

I liked the small, minimalistic rooms, and large gardens to walk and ponder in. I liked the idea of a life spent helping others. There may be a few books or movies I've missed about nuns, but only a few. Mom told me I had to be Catholic to be a nun, and that kind of bummed me out. "Why don't Methodists have nuns, Mom?" "Eat your cereal." This was all before "The Sound of Music" or Madonna. (two extremes, but just as silly, though the flying nun takes the wafer)

If there is a nun in a story on TV, I will gravitate towards it. "The Thorn Birds" made me cry on TV, VCR, and DVD. (The book is totally worn out. I mean come on, it was Richard Chamberlain, that is practically a nun...) Maybe I am still fascinated by the whole Catholic Church. Words from my mouth just a few years ago, "The Vatican is a CITY? Huh? City state? In Rome? Rome is the capital of Italy?! I thought Italy was a COUNTRY, oh, right, Washington DC." (I told you I hated geography and skipped more school than anyone EVER.)

At 8, I didn't see any other way to be around women when I grew up, live with women, Hayley Mills blond-haired women. It seems I was not alone in this train of thought, but that is another post elsewhere. This nun stage lasted until around the age of 12, when I noticed a blond girl on "The Doris Day Show", "Julia", "Daniel Boone", "Mayberry RFD", "Adam-12", and many other shows, then movies, her name was Jodie Foster and suddenly I didn't want to become a nun anymore.

Back to wanting to be an actress. I could play a nun one day. Still, I think, had I been born a Catholic...I may have been a nun. I know this: I would have made a good nun. (I'm pretty sure they are not allowed to watch Jodie Foster movies.

Movie and Drug Ratings Too Funny

Luckily, I have no kids in my home, so no age inappropriate movies will be forever seared onto an impressionable mind. Because, I do not understand the stupid, er, silly MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America)(Isn't it time to update that name? Are there movies without motion? I digress.) ratings when they explain specifically why it is rated what it is rated. (And you need binoculars, at least I do, to see these.) Case in point: Fantastic Mr. Fox.

It said to beware of "slang humor." What the hey is slang humor? Well, it is "What the cuss is that?" "You can kiss my cuss." "Go to cuss." and so on. Now, I would rather tell my kids what Hell or ass meant than "cuss," which would only make their minds go wild. I must admit, however, that I can not wait to tell someone to go cuss themselves. Brilliant!

Another warning that makes me laugh is rated R for "language," to which I (too often now to still be funny to anyone but me) say, "Well, it BETTER have language!"

Hey, why don't we rate medicine according to side effects? R for suicides and anal leakage
PG for rash and of course X for death. Just a thought. (easier than reading the small print on two small pages)