Avoiding Death by Multiple Sclerosis

My "MS Google Alert" rewarded my in-box with a news story about an artist who died from "...complications from MS."

For the love of God, could people be a little more specific? I'm not trying to pry, but it really would help those of us who have MS. I would like to prepare for these deadly "complications." When I was first diagnosed, my neurologist told me that MS would not kill me. He talked about some other things that MS might cause that could kill a person.

For example: Pneumonia, often the killer of seniors. We, with MS, begin showing normal, "senior citizen" in our late 20s---needing canes, stumbling over words, loss of memory, etc., only goes to figure that some of the same "complications" of normal aging would get us as well. But, I am NOT 70 or 80, I was early 30s when diagnosed and there is much I can do to avoid these complications in the future.

Recently DX with MS? START NOW! Here is what I did/do: First I have to educate all my other doctors about MS and the complications that can kill me. I want them on the look-out. As I age, I may forget. Pneumonia seems to pop up a lot in obituaries of those with MS, swallowing and breathing can become compromised---so I have been doing breathing exercises for years. Just read up on Yoga, singing, you will find great suggestions there for working your breathing parts. How nice to be keeping yourself from dying of MS just by singing?!

Next, ask your doctor about getting the pneumonia vaccine. I am shocked at how many seniors don't know it exists and people with MS don't get it. (Don't forget that yearly flu shot.)

Falls. While rarely stated in obits, falls will be attributed to MS, even though falling is one of the biggest "complications of death by old age." Years ago I bought a book by a stunt woman who talks about falling. Read up on how to fall. There is a right way and wrong way. I did nothing but fall in Drama class for weeks. (Came in handy the musical where the black steps we were supposed to march off the stage into the audience was not in place and one by one, 12 of us fell off the stage onto each other! Still makes me laugh when I think of it, but falling is no laughing matter now.) If you are able now, practice falling. Read up on preventing falls and take the tips to heart. (non-skid mats, good lighting and so on) If you have foot drop, make a plan if you intend to climb stairs.

Getting up from falls. Many a person has died on the floor simply because they could get no help. Practice and work the muscles you will need to get up from a fall. Now, I am in the "what will help me, besides me" secondary progressive stage. I was slack on this aspect. Wiser, I pay for a monitoring service, wear a necklace, used it twice, my life is worth $30/month.

Eat healthy, get 8 hours sleep, exercise--get a routine, the sooner the better. Stop smoking. These are all common sense.

Swallowing problems? Choking, again a not unusual way to die, needs to be considered; learn to eat like Royalty---cut food in small pieces, chew well, don't talk while eating, and a speech therapist can give you more suggestions. What are you waiting for? Your neurologist will refer. Practice makes perfect.

Inactivity, well, duh to the duh, stay active as possible. You used to play basketball, run? Me too, big deal, do something else. SOME PART OF YOU MOVES (or you are dead already) so, move it! Don't be discouraged, a little often leads to a lot. (PLUS a little is MUCH MORE than nothing.)

Get your social on! Join a book club, take a bus ride, read or write blogs, form your own group, connect with others. Don't focus on just people with MS or just people who have a common interest---try new things! Keep your family close and your friends closer. (See, that way, friends become family!)

Watch out for infections! Infections can be easily CURED with the help of your doctor. It is FINDING them, KNOWING you have one that YOU must do. Just as with seniors, especially in nursing homes (think uncleanliness and lack of observation), that accident in your pants can be deadly if not well-cleaned. If you can't move much, watch out for bed sores. Your family doctor, a visiting nurse service, both will check your entire body over. Unfamiliar with bed sores? (I know I was in the beginning 15 years) Ask your DR. or READ UP!

Now, I want to know more about the deadly complications! I think MS alone gets more blame than it deserves for deaths. Though, consider the source. Relatives write those obits and MS weighed heavy on them. My obit may say I had MS, but it will NOT say I died from anything to do with it. And that will be the truth.

And this is why I wish I knew MORE complications of death by MS. I want to prepare NOW, as best I can.

A Leak of Truth Can Burst a Dam of Blame

You just have to laugh at the pompous news media sometimes. Like WikiLeaks, now another messenger is being killed---the pilot who videotaped and sent to YouTube an array of security breach possibilities at an airport.

Before the soldier who leaked the military docs got lawyered up (and I would LOVE to give that closing summation), he was interviewed on TV and said he was sick of all the lies he was witness to. Now, I recall an incident where a group of soldiers (Abu Ghraib ring a bell?) who DIDN'T report the truth of what was going on got in big trouble. Talk about mixed messages. They said they were afraid to tell, afraid because their superiors would get them in trouble. SO WHICH IS IT? WHICH DO WE WANT?

Back to the news media---they ran over and over the tape about the airport, all the while saying how bad it was to expose this to terrorists. Oh, I get it, when YOU tell, then it is "news."

Instead of President Obama stepping up and dealing with the laxes in security both in our military and airports, instead of him condemning the bad-mouthing and ingenious actions of our politicians/diplomats, he too went left the messengers out to be slaughtered. What about that "transparency" thing, Obama? Sure sounded good.

Maybe the soldier didn't know the difference between lies and "politics/diplomacy" games. I sure as hell don't. We don't deal with other countries in true friendship, it is all about what each country can get from the other. One giant game and the toy soldiers are real people. Brainwashing young men and women to believing otherwise is a sorry excuse for "honor."

What happened to whistle blower protections? Look at the stock market rise! Remember how low it got? Yet, the rich had plenty of money to buy cheap and they are dancing in dough now, while the majority of Americans are still jobless, job-poor, or in debt to their eyeballs. Oh, the dirt that built all the CEOs back up. Regulations-smegulations! One big joke to them, always a loop hole or back that needs scratchin' somewhere. WikiLeaks threaten to expose the lies of banks!? HA! That was more difficult than exposing a country!

Soo...back to airport security, any corrections been made? I thought showing prisoners how any attempt to escape is thwarted was one of the first things they learn, keeps them inside and been working pretty good. We can't tell the terrorists that because WE DON'T HAVE IT. The 911 Report showed that, made recommendations, but, hey, what? Us worry?

If you live by threats alone, you will die by your deceptions. No laughing matter.

The Priest and the Playwright with MS

Two stories came to my attention today. One was about a Canadian playwright and actress who is headed off for the "Liberation Treatment," CCSVI, which uses venoplast (balloons in veins) to correct constricted neck veins that some are speculating may be the cause of MS.

It sounds like she was diagnosed at the age of 33, and that is about the most common average age at time of multiple sclerosis diagnosis. She says she has had MS for 12 years and has had to use a cane, even a scooter at times. She is distraught and, "If hope the operation at least stops the progression. If I'm like this for the rest of my life, I think I can handle it."

Twelve years after DX and she only needs a cane, and scooter occasionally. That is good and the most common progression of MS. She may indeed, with no intervention, stay the same. Flip of the coin, she may not be able to get by with just a cane. Multiple sclerosis is a CHRONIC PROGRESSIVE DISEASE WITH NO CURE.

The early-year's remissions are not cures. The Internet is full of stories about the new CCVIS CURE. Sigh. I heard this all before, in 1990, front page of NY Times. That "cure" along with all that followed , with time allowed for the natural progression of the disease, was no cure at all. Eventually, I predict CCVIS will be touted as a "option for some" and "a starting point" only to fade away into the annals of medical history as another attempt to cure MS. (How do we know it doesn't cure Alzheimer's?)

One day a cure WILL come, but we are not there yet. I see little in the way of advancement in the knowledge of what causes MS or how to stop the symptoms. Even symptom management has shown little change since I was DX in 1990. I keep waiting.

So, another person is off seeking an end to her MS progression, a life in a wheel chair too hideous to imagine. (Do you know how insulting that is to people who make happy, productive lives in wheel chairs every day? How insulting and foolish to those with progressive MS, you know, those FEW who go straight from first doctor to a wheelchair and are bedridden in a few weeks, blind and die shortly after? THAT is the scary MS. THAT is rare. But 12 YEARS after DX, you have had plenty of time to accept and embrace whatever future lies ahead.

Then there is the priest. He was diagnosed in 1991 and now uses a power chair. (Common progression.) When he first needed to use a cane two years after his diagnosis, he thought, "OK, God, I can handle this, but no more." Even a "man of God," so afraid of that dreaded wheel chair. Good thing he didn't break his spine or have any other condition that requires a wheel chair.

In poor countries people are desperate for wheel chairs, crawling on their elbows through the dirt roads. Here, in America, and elsewhere, we can order a chair off the computer! Such independence we have, yet we act like it is worse than death! I had a friend tell me he would rather die than be me with MS. Wow. I don't see these people aging gracefully as our bodies betray our youthful desires.

Now, my attitude, stated above, has been criticized by others with MS as my, "wanting too keep my label of MS," seriously? I guess if I had stage 4 cancer and embraced my fate instead of flying to other countries for "miracle cures" like Farrah Fawcett did, that too would mean I liked my label of cancer? The logic is missing. What I LIKE is living life to the fullest, the best I can with what my body allows me. I know there are minds out there working to find a cure for MS, to find a way to fix the damage that has been done to my body. I also know the person who finds all that may not be born yet.

I read the MS blogs and some of you are so miserable. I am happy! I live a happy life. I choose to live in happiness. Label me "Happy in spite of MS" if you need to label me.

The priest decided to use his MS progression to help others in similar and worse situations than himself. (Why it takes religious people so long to come to these simple conclusions always baffles me. Doesn't the Bible refer to such struggles again and again?) He discovered that he COULD handle his MS symptoms.

Nothing wrong with being on the front line against MS. I look for a cure every day. I talk to my doctors every year. But, I refuse to become angry, bitter, or afraid of what MS might do to me, in the meantime. I have multiple sclerosis, a CHRONIC PROGRESSIVE DISABLING DISEASE WITH NO CURE. If accepting that fact is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Thanks to All Who Walk With Me

Season's Joy to all and peace on earth. May you keep on keepin' on into 2011.

To new friends I've found and those I've lost,

To family I've lost and those I've found,

To all who await me on my journey,

May today and every day bring you joy

And love. Thanks to all who walk with me.

Christmas Movie You Will Love

Our only Christmas tradition: Watching the movie "Prancer." If you have kids, this is THE movie to see. My partner and I first saw it in 1989, 32 years old, sitting in the back of theatre filled with parents and kids, the movie ends, lights go up, and there we were bawling our eyes out. We sunk as far down in our seats as we could.

Now we cry when the music starts, can't even get past the opening credits. Sam Elliot is pitch perfect in his role as a widowed dad, struggling to make ends meet on his small farm. His little girl is a bundle of joy and energy. She is a true Santa believer and won't be stopped until she affects the entire town. Is it really Prancer in her shed?

Great acting from big stars (Cloris Leachman, Abe Vigoda and more) and unknowns. The kids were all great too. No murders, guns, curse words, sex, just a good Christmas movie for all ages.
Funny too. What more could you want?

***Prancer was played by Boo.***

Obama Taking Care of Business

Our president really has had some year, eh what? "Talk about gettin' er done!" I have really enjoyed watched a great negotiator at work. Oh, I know a lot happened behind the scenes, but it's all about results, baby.

Looking over my 53 years, I think Clinton was my favorite president in the results department, but Obama is still in the house. The whole sex scandal "in the house" was too sleazy and irresponsible for my taste.

JFK (How cool to be known by initials? Do we know JB? Nah. Even AL draws a "huh?") was so smooth and all about potential, but we will never know what might have been.

Ronald Reagan? I was working at Sears selling maintenance agreements (Don't ever buy one.) when he was elected for his second term and I thought the world would come to an end. It didn't and that whole Berlin Wall knock-down was pretty cool. Clearly, however, I am not a Republican, so it was a torturous 8 years for me. Ron got a lot done for his party though, gotta give him that and his speech delivery was excellent. (I would expect no less from an actor.)

Presidents fascinate me. I want to learn more about all of them. On my "To Do" list.

Charlie Brown Dance for the Holidays

Portia's Book Worth Reading? Unbearable Lightness

I shall now review Portia De Rossi's recent book, Unbearable Lightness. I read it in one sitting. If you or anyone you know struggles with Anorexia, it is a book you should read too.

Yes, I love Ellen, for many reasons, and her wife is so hot and adorable (she can act too), but what I was most interested in was the behind the screen stories about being an actress in Hollywood. All the interrelations among her fellow actors on the set of "Ally McBeal" (a show I greatly enjoyed for its creativity and the always sharp writing of David Kelley), how she fit in as the newbie, how they really handled the sex scenes---that stuff intrigues me. (Portia, sweety, don't wear a bright red dress to Christmas at the White House and sit next to the president/his family, a room full of people wearing dark colors. Maria Carey was in a bright color, but she was preforming--I felt bad for Portia, like the Halloween party where only you are in costume. It all had a more Church-like atmosphere. It's like at a wedding, you don't want to stick out, the bride's day and all.)


I believe her when she says she wrote the book and I can't say that about many celebrity-written books. It is heartfelt. She leaves nothing behind. A raw look at being trapped in self-hate and the joy of purging to fit into clothes no one should ever have to.

Yes, I wanted to peek inside her and Ellen's love story and on that note I didn't get a lot, but it is enough for now. Will wait for Ellen's book, what a best seller that will be.

The story Portia tells is probably familiar to many young actresses starting out. I hate how we, the viewing audience, have led producers to believe that we WANT to see paper-thin, unhealthy actresses. When I talk to people, nobody wants that, so where DID this idea come from? Barbie?

Portia used to collect mannequins and even at 92lbs, she was not as small around the waist as they were. Her brother saved her life by telling her she was going to die. He threw her a rope, then Ellen met her and pulled her in.

I do think for young women dealing with similar issues of body image, this book could be a life-saver. Young people wanting to pursue acting careers should read it too. Fans of Ellen and Portia won't want to miss it. ***THREE STARS

A Love Song for All Ages

Teva Stops Making Cancer Drug--SURPRISE!

Drug shortages have hit America. Many are cancer drugs. How does this happen? When a company is not making enough money, they stop making the drug. Period. Private companies don't require FDA oversight, like Teva. And these companies don't have to alert anyone that the drug will no longer be available.

So, the next time a drug company tells you how much they care---take their medicine with a grain of salt.

Bad Nun Wants to Save Woman's Life

So many hospitals have religious affiliations. St. Joseph's, St. Marks, St. Jude, on and on, and when a nun decided to approve an abortion to save the mother's life, wow did the Pope's shit hit the fan. Not only was the nun punished, so was her church!

With so many hospitals being affiliated with religious groups, shouldn't there be like, a separation of church and medical care? Who are we to decide for another if their life is of more value than another's? Pro-life? Really? I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

Christmas Eve Without Aunt Violet in My Life

This will be my first Christmas Eve without my beloved Aunt Violet in my life. Until her last years she always sent a box of wrapped presents, always a card. During my childhood, Christmas Eve at Aunt Vi's was THE place to be. The food, the tree with many presents, the relatives, the laughter and the reason we all showed up--Aunt Vi. She and Ivah decorated their house to the hilts. Alcoholic drinks and homemade food was enough for 50 people! Everyone was welcome.

Memories. A family tradition lost with her. I miss her so much right now. She will always be in the minds of those alive who had the pleasure of her Christmas Eve party.

PHOTOS: From bottom up-- Me with my Christmas walker.

In front of Aunt Vi and Ivah's tree, my brother, his wife, my cousin (who would be there to care for Aunt Vi in her final years and hours), my brother, me in front. I think I was 13.

Next--Aunt Vi made sure Santa was there for the youngest kids. That Santa was my cousin Bob, who is battling cancer. He was the only father figure I had. What a great guy.

Next--Aunt Vi, a few years before I was born. That smile, that pose, all Aunt Vi.

Thanks for all the wonderful Christmas memories, Aunt Vi.

What the Repeal of DADT Means for YOU and ME, or, CALL MR ANYTHING BUT LATE FOR DINNER

When Seattle was one of the first cities to pass a Domestic Partnership for its city employees, my partner and I were interviewed by the University of Washington student newspaper and asked how the Domestic Partnership made us feel. (The Today Show wanted to interview us too, long time couple, both battling illnesses...)

I said, "It feels like we have been given a place at the table."

Now that "Don't Ask. Don't Tell" has been repealed and "gays can serve openly in the military," here is how I feel: We have been given a place at the table, now some plates, silverware, napkins; just one thing missing that all the rest of American citizens have--FOOD.

Give that honored, sacred, "till death do we part, in sickness and in health..." (you know that thing that 50% of heterosexuals toss aside like so much trash in the wind and say the same vows over again and again, so sacred are they,) marriage privilege---THEN I'll feel truly equal.

So special is my country to allow us to work our rears off for them and pay us equally (insurance for our partners and all) and now to allow us to die in war for, as so many conservatives have put it, "...our freedoms." We can work, die, so how about the meat of the matter? Are gay Americans good enough yet to be allowed to marry? So far the answer is, in most states, NO.

We call ourselves the greatest nation on earth, really? So tell us. What more do we have to do? Shed more sweat and blood? I am NOT moving to another country or state to marry my partner of 31 years, both of us in wheel chairs, both of us looking at fewer years ahead than behind us.
All of our working years, all the taxes we've paid, when one of us dies the other gets no Social Security compensation, no, THAT money we worked for will go to heterosexuals as it has since taxes began. Sweat, blood, money, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM US?

Cancer Back at My Door

Cancer has come knocking at my door again. This time two people I love have to think about it. One may be clear and free, the other is on the edge; for both it was a surprise, as cancer often is, and now I too am on the edge.



When you have survived cancer (a funny statement since just one microscopic cell can start cancer all over again,) you want to believe it is gone forever. Cancer is not yet gone forever. It strikes the healthy, the sick, poor and rich, young and old. My mother once told me at a card game with my elders talking about a relative with, "female cancer" (in a hushed tone). that I need not worry about all that because there would be a cure by the time I grew up. People used to think that way when men were landing on the moon and TVs were in every house.

Now, we know another truth. I have mentioned reconnecting with a cousin whom I was told was in prison. He never was and I had to tell him how his mother beat him raw. I hoped this would hep him understand himself better as an adult. It did. He is thrilled to have me back in his life. His mother was (is? I would never want anything to do with her.) a horrible, selfish, perhaps mentally ill person, though latter seems least likely. The next person I had to bear witness for what she did to them was my cousin's father.

He was a kind, gentle, good, man, who his bitter wife (jealous of her sister and full of hatred toward her mother who denied beating HER) would force to also hit my cousin(s) or she would throw a hysteric temper tantrum. She made him work two jobs as long as I can remember, because no furniture, clothes, car or house was every good enough (ie as nice as her sister's) for her. I SAW this, my entire family watched their drama and ached. When she had an affair and bore a son, her betrayed husband took the child in as his own. He loved her. He shouldered great pain.

Now he has bile duct cancer and is very weak. I had the opportunity to write a letter telling him I SAW, I KNEW, his (HER) family ALL knew, an we sided with him. I was gifted that chance to tell him. I am told the letter brought tears to his eyes. Mine when I wrote it---finally I was unburdened from the secrets held by a 7 year old. No adult had the nerve to stand up to the hysteric, their loss. (and his)

A possible cancer is at my doorstep again and again near Christmas. I always hope for a better New Year, rarely have I had one. My life, so strange and interesting. I thought I would get a break soon. I'm always thinking that. But, I will focus on the successes and joys I HAVE had and WILL have. Life goes on.

Blogger Author Remembering the Tic Tac Gift

That's right, I am a writer. I am an author. I am a blogger and you know what that means. You, all of YOU, who have entered my life are a part of my story, a partner in my journey. And, place your bets, I most certainly will be writing about YOU.

You have changed my life, altered my path, helped me reinvent myself, molded my past. As I begin writing about you, there is so much to express. You have made me happy when I was sad, lifted me up when I was down, jolted me when I was relaxing, and always, always made me stop and think. I love that about you, who wouldn't? Your personal stories enthralled me so much that I sacrificed time that was supposed to be spent elsewhere.

When I start my writing, this one moment comes to mind, over and over---a reader mailed a box of Tic Tacs to me. I had simply mentioned my problem finding them and she mailed an entire case to me. It may seem silly that I couldn't find them on the vast information highway, but for some reason I couldn't. I had recently moved to an assisted living/retirement community, no small feat and under extremely unpleasant circumstances. I keep recalling that day.

My caregiver and I had gone out to explore the new neighborhood and found a mom-n-pop convenience store a few blocks away. On that day I had my first beef jerky ever, and they sold Tic Tacs! Searching the world, and a few blocks away-- there they were.

But the store was across a very busy street, the cross walk had a flashing yellow light, but drivers were not terribly alert to stop. It would not be the safest trip for me, all alone, and they barely stopped for my caregiver! Oh, well, a Tic Tac in the hand is worth two in Neverland on the Internet.

Then I got home and had a brown box waiting for me. Who had sent it? My name was spelled wrong. I was very suspicious. Inside were the boxes and boxes of Tic Tacs. I searched for a clue to show who sent them. I saw a familiar address of a reader of my blog. I recalled my post.

How can I tell you how much that generous act of kindness meant to me? My readers were real people and they cared about ME! I still am trying to wrap my mind around that. I have family and friends who have not showed such unselfish generosity. Nothing was required from me in return. She would never have told me. It was a gift. A gift.

My, THOSE, Tic Tacs stay in my fanny pack whenever I leave my apartment. They are in my mouth during bridge games, before council meetings, at doctor appointments, when I sing, when I chat with friends. Yes, I know it sounds corny, but not to me. Every time I reach for one I think of kindness to strangers, how far reaching it is, in ways we never can imagine.

I can not thank her enough and I know I don't need to. But, I doubt I will ever forget her. She lives far from me, yet I feel close to her. She doesn't really know me, yet I think she must.

That is the joy of acts of kindness to strangers--it brings us together in humanity towards one another. We become one.

Yes, I believe that will start my book about you.

The Multiple Sclerosis Freeze

Cane, walker, scooter, wheel chair, power chair. The mobility aids those with MS will likely have to choose. We name them, hate them, love them, need them, but we can not look away.

My first wooden cane was purchased in part to be able to show the world I had a disability. I found myself freezing up, mid stride, when walking across a busy three lane downtown Seattle street. It was dangerous. My legs would just stop moving and there I stood staring at cars coming towards me. I looked fine. I would just move aside any minute...only I knew the truth.

I debated buying a flag, but settled on a cane. A folded cane was always in my bag when I went out into the world, even if my legs felt fine, because I never knew when MS would attack me.

I have never heard of people with MS freezing up like that. No neurologist ever prepared me for the deep freeze. I am secondary progressive now and those scary things don't affect me as much, maybe because I can't get out as much, or walk...I wonder...would I still freeze occasionally?

Indignities of Disability Insults

I always think it's over, but it will never be over. The thoughtless, hurting, maddening, comments about people with disabilities that each generation tosses about.

Last night I was headed out for a board game in my retirement/assisted living home. I made a poor transfer and got crooked in my power chair, slowly slipping out of it. My partner was nearby and my caregiver was called. She arrived in less than 3 minutes with the front desk security in tow. My aide righted me. Should have been end of story. But there it was.

"You are full of tricks! Look, you can walk!" the guard/receptionist said with a smile. She is young and I like her a lot, but she, like so many others, just don't get it. They mean no harm, but the harm is done. My partner, who is at the "I can walk about in apt. by myself" stage, needs a power chair for distance. Her arms do not have the strength to use a manual chair. She tries so hard every day to exercise, walk as much as she can, and even dance...tripping, sliding into walls, but remembering her dancing days with great joy. A "TRICK?" Seriously?

What kind of person thinks having to use a wheel chair of fun? A game? I NEVER would have said or thought some of the ignorant things people have said to my partner and me over the years. Forgive me for showing no humility whatsoever, but I GET IT. I GOT it before I got MS. My mother would NEVER say some of the things I've had to deal with, and believe me I DEAL with them, "Disability Awareness" is my middle name now, any chance to open someone's eyes, I'll take it. As I said, nobody means to be inconsiderate. They need to learn what my mother taught me well: Do not judge anyone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Mom recalled her father saying that often. Many people say it, more need to do it.

Walk the talk, and don't talk until you've had the walk.

The Love of Books in Fort Wayne, Indiana

This is my mom reading in her yard in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I'd guess around 1930. She loved books and spread that love to me. She used to say, "I will have enough money and be happy if I can buy breakfast out and a book."

Sure enough, that was her life. She was into paperback romance novels. I bet she read over 10,000 books. As a child, she and I went to the library every week. When we splurged we splurged on books. I coveted hardcover books, but I only had a few of my own. (Still have my first ones) She joined the Doubleday Book Club and I was in the Scholastic book club---what a thrill when the summer books came.

When my brothers had children, she told their mothers to read to them often. Dr. Spock didn't need to tell her that. I think that was the ONLY advice she ever gave. Her grandchildren will never know her or the impact she had on their lives with that one simple bit of advice. I pity them.

One of the saddest facts of having Alzheimer's is that my mother can no longer enjoy books. When I think of that, and I think of her a lot around this time of year, it saddens me. Books were her friends.

It is SO important to read to children before you think they have a clue what you are doing, and once they can read---encourage reading, take trips to the library. (Before they are merely museums.)

Spy Returns from Earth During Holiday Season

The board table was full and the room was packed, all attention focused on the agent, the spy returned from mission. Click here for English translation before proceeding. (Some eyes will automatically self-correct if a Zularian has been near you in the past 72 earth hours.)

"Agent Calmez, what do you report?" The room was so silent a falling strand of hair could have been heard.

"The aliens on the planet earth are too dangerous and most undesirable to commit to further investigation. They will have no time or space travel capabilities in the next 5 years..."

A gasp could be heard as the leader interrupted.

"FIVE years? I doubt the UNIVERSE will be around by then!" The room broke out into laughter. "Tell us more!" Someone shouted.

"The leaders there are ghastly creatures...oh, dear," Agent Calmez struggled with his words, "one year in their world is 556,968, 4976, 34256.6739876430 of ours. I spent three hideous days there, but I prepared long and am glad it is over and I will never need see them again. The most awful thing, please hold yourselves steady, they have a "back" side and out of this comes foul elimination of deadly food.

Two fainted in the middle of the room. "What is meant by a back side? Do you mean..."

"Yes, they are three dimensional in most respects and entertainment for them is staring at pre-dimensional representations of pixels and garftons. Their brains shut down to reality for a portion of each of their planets circling of their moon and they speak many different languages."

"On the same planet? Different languages? That explains much." said one onlooker.

"Even those who are not leaders do not speak so that others may understand, this causes them to be frequently feared and often eaten." A listener fainted to the floor with a scream.

"Agent Calmez."
"Yes, Your Leaderness."
"What motivates these, what did you call them? Human?"
"They have a belief system based on stories passed down through many earth years that activates the emotional centers in their brains. Their brains are huge, but function very poorly. Their design overall is barbaric. They remind me of a Blugrobiled Mugazat. They will destroy their earth very soon. They are constantly questioning all that is around them. Their most recent discovery is artificial life by making brain altering chemicals. Zombies is a word they use."

"Thank you, Agent. Go now and rest. Meeting adjourned."
"Thank you, Leader and Happy Holidays."
The room fell silent and all stopped in their tracks.
"Agent, what did you just say?"
"I, uh, oh no. I am so ashamed. That was spoken by the leaders so often yesterday. I am unsure of its meaning...but it made them smile and joy overcame them."
Alarms started going off in the room as all scrambled into the hallways and ran far away.
"No, no, please, your Leadership. It was just a slip. I never..."
With that, Agent Halfordersofftenlot Calmez died.

And to all a Good Night.

Senior Center Path to Somewhere

I think these are in my hallways too...

My Favorite Christmas Song This Year

Out of Control Love

Why is it that when I make a declaration on my blog, it so often becomes untrue within a week? I wrote about never getting colds and proceeded to get a terrible one; I wrote about never vomiting and vomited such that I had to go to an ER: and most recently I wrote how hollow FaceBook, with all the "Friends" (who really are not) and "I LUV U" (who really don't), was not something I could feel real about---suddenly, with no notice whatsoever, I am shouting out to strangers, repairmen, caregivers, friends and family, "I love you!"

What is happening to me? My apt. mgr. called one day and as we hung up (SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE UNDER TWENTY---phones used to have to be "hung up" before ending a call--really! Check it out at a museum.) I said, "Love you." WHAT??? Love him? He has been here all of 6 months.

When I was at the bistro playing a game and one of our building elevators broke, two strapping young (OMG, they were probably almost 30...sigh.) men walked by and I shouted, "Are you the elevator men?" After they said simply, "No." I replied, (hold it...hold it...) "I love you anyway!"
I LOVE YOU ANYWAY???? Who am I? Where did you take Diane?

After texting my friend of over 20 years, I texted, "I love you. Goodnight." Today I texted "I love you." to another friend. I am anxious, as I write to email my cousin right now and tell her I love her. Here is the clincher: I FEEL like I mean it. I feel full of love like a pinata and the bat hit me. I told a wrong number that I loved him, I told a couple of call center employees that I loved them. I told my mom I loved her. I told a visiting dog I loved him. HELP! I AM OUT OF CONTROL.

It is a few hours later and I just finished a bridge "class." I am not feeling so loving just now. Is the spell I was under broken? I once told ONE blogger that I loved him and I MEANT it; now...I am afraid to leave comments as my love may flow out. No, no, no, don't think this is a good thing. This is NOT ME. My partner of 31 years has caught me and looked at me in disbelief. *I* am in disbelief. Yet...I truly feel love.

Nothing has changed in my life. No epiphanies. No visits from dead aunt, though some unknown spirits have been walking my hall, no big deal, after all this IS a retirement home. Hmmm, I have been sad lately so many people I meet die or are dying here. Guilt? Regret? I didn't really get to know them all that well.

Anyone else ever experience this? (Shut up Jen.) (Jen is a blogger big ball of lovey-huggy smiley Jersey Gurl, she had to have been born that way.)

Hold it...hold it...I LOVE you guys! I do!
help me

Internet Use Question and Arizona Baby on Grey's Anatomy Copy L Word?

A friend posed a question I will ask YOU: When was the first time you used the Internet? What for? How has your use changed since then?

I started at my job (no home computers yet), used mostly to check on stocks. Now I use it for everything important and frivolous, like looking at pictures of my favorite TV shows. Maybe I am biased because Grey's Anatomy takes place in Seattle and I can see true locations from my city, but the relationship/romances keeps me hooked. Right now I am very upset about Callie's recent actions. In real life Spielberg's daughter, who plays Arizona, had a baby, so maybe they shot some film and she will have a baby on the show ala L Word first...and if McDreamy doesn't MARRY Meredith this "season" I am never watching again! (sure)

Santa Claus has Multiple Sclerosis

Santa Clause was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Toys may be a little late this year. Santa asks for NO COOKIES, he is on the Swank diet. As his caregiver, Mrs. Claus will tag along, so don't be shocked by the scent of Obsession in your living room. Forget about the candy cane, it is real wood this year. Santa's lift leg is weak. He has boot-drop.

Santa will appear on Oprah to promote MS Awareness---yea! Book to follow.
He is pushing the MS Society to return to the RED MS bracelets. (Orange clashes horribly with his suit.)

The elves are searching for a doctor to check him for CCSVI. His Vit D level was very low. Prancer kicked him in the head (by accident, Vodka involved, long story) back in 1935...

I feel bad for SC, but it sure will help us all to have a famous person like Santa on our team. I hear he is starting a blog after Christmas. His speech is a bit slurred, so...

"Merwee Kwifmuff ta all am to all a Goo Ni!!!!!!!"

NASA Could Help Cure Us NOW

Is it wrong to want NASA to spend their billions on searching cures for diseases? To look within for answers and THEN look beyond? Name three disease modifying discoveries that came from space research? America, Heal thyself FIRST.

The Christmas Cure

The glittering tinsel was swaying ever so gently with each movement of a family member passing by. It was Christmas Eve and the scent of bayberry filled the room. A more beautiful tree, Bella had never seen, of course she had that same thought every year.

"Aunt Bella! Merry Christmas!" shouted Julie, so sincere and full of all the pure glee her 7 years could hold. "Santa left you a big present!"

Julie had parents who believed in educating their daughter about the lie of Santa, but Julie was a believer nonetheless--TV would not show Santa if he were "just a pretend story book man."

She was ready to begin Christmas shopping the first day of November and sang Christmas songs all year long. "I'll show it to you now," she softly whispered to her aunt.


Bella was touched by the little girl's exuberance, "What would your parents think?"


"What would her parents think about what!?" Bella's sister and brother-in-law came through the front door with a strong Chicago wind pushing them forward. "Hi, guys, looks like snow out there," Dave said as he helped his wife with her coat.


Julie was jumping like her grandfather's nickname for her, "grasshopper."


"Mom, I want to give Aunt Bella her present NOW! Okay?"


Bella noticed the surprised look on her sister's face, clearly she knew of no "present."


Before she could answer her daughter, around the corner Julie ran. She hugged her sister and said, "This will be a surprise for both of us," and they laughed. After their parents had died in a drunken driver's bad judgement, just two years earlier on Christmas Eve, Christmas stopped being a day of gift-giving. The sisters never spoke of it, but they just stayed away from each other during the holidays. It seemed ever since that dreadful day, something life-changingly horrible happened each year. Julie's puppy running away, Bella's illness, the adults had nothing to celebrate; but, Julie looked only ahead to see rainbows and kites.



CRASH! A loud unidentifiable sound came from Julie's direction. Before the adults could run that way, there was Julie, pushing, then pulling, a large white...thing. It looked like pieces of white paper with crayon drawings on them, taped together haphazardly and ill-fitting, the contents which were then wrapped with a toilet paper bow, of sorts. Bella held back her laughter. The whole package was larger than little Julie.

"Ok! Let's open this! I am excited." While Aunt Bella actually was curious, Julie's mom and dad wondered what on earth their less than crafty darling put together as a gift.

All took a seat on the floor as Julie pushed the large monstrosity in front of her aunt.

"Can you help me unwrap it, Julie? Bella asked.

Together the unwrapping began. The first to peek out was a broom. "A broom! Thank you Julie, I love it! How did you know I needed one?" Julie smiled ear to ear and glanced at her parents who nodded and switched back to look at each other with bewilderment.

Next came a mop, a bottle of cleaning fluid, a cleaning cloth, a duster and two large folded garbage bags. With all the items laid in front of them, the adults looked back and forth to each other. Julie walked to her aunt and threw her arms around her.

"I know how sad you have been and mom says it is because you have a mess. I saw you cry when you talked about it. Please don't be sad. I will help you with your mess. I promise."

With that the little girl hugged her aunt again who had been diagnosed with MS a year ago, and both cried together. "You already have, sweety, you already have," Bella whispered.

It was a promise Julie never forgot. and the best gift Bella could dream of.

Elizabeth Edwards: An Example to Live By

Elizabeth Edwards has died after a courageous and public fight to go gracefully with cancer. She did so. I think only a cold heart does not feel pain at the loss of her and all she endured. Men such as her husband are cowards, cheats, and liars. He disgraces us and she raises us up. Living with other humans is this daily balancing act. We choose. Choose wisely.

CIA Turns to Wikileaks for Help?

With all this talk of leaks and threats of espionage charges, OH, I'm sorry, I was thinking about the Valerie Plame affair. Oh, right, that was Cheney's friend involved...what did the BBC say...

"Former US President George W. Bush said his decision not to pardon former Vice Presidential aide Scooter Libby in a spy-outing scandal did not sit well with former Vice President Dick Cheney.
Bush said in an interview that his decision to spare Lewis 'Scooter' Libby a prison sentence rather than pardon him angered Cheney, reports the BBC.
Libby was convicted of perjury and obstruction in a probe into the leaking of CIA spy Valerie Plame's identity.
While promoting his memoir, 'Decision Points', Bush said he was worried the incident would fracture his friendship with Cheney.
"I was a little concerned at the time. It was a hard decision at the time but that's what you do when you're president, you make hard decisions. We are friends today," he said.

My bad. TOTALLY different than Wikileaks and all the hidden information about how OUR government operates and thinks about OUR future and OUR NEIGHBORS around the world.

Wow, imagine a world where all truth was spoken and all lies exposed. Nooooo, I don't think we of the brave and free could deal with that. Russian, RUSSIAN spies had been living as our next door neighbors in cities across the USA for YEARS. How many CIA agents raced to read the Wikileaks documents JUST TO LEARN SOME NEW INTELLIGENCE?

I'm just asking.

My Freedom, Jazzy Power Chair Gets Batteries

The operation was a success. Two batteries were replaced. My Jazzy is now ready to roll. This guy can come apart in 5 pieces and be stored in car, then reassembled in minutes. My legs, my life, my freedom.

How I Am