Secrets Call Centers Don't Want You To Know

After working in a call center ( remember when it used to be called "Customer Service?") for 18 years, I am very sensitive to dealing with call center representatives. During my first ovarian cancer surgery in 1995, I was off work for 2 months. BORED TO DEATH. Unfortunately, I began doing something during the day that I never thought I would. Can you guess what?



If you guessed watching soap operas, you are wrong. I started watching info commercials and ordering stuff. Every week I probably spent at least $100, not the best idea while one is out of work, but I was mesmerized and it made me feel empowered.



The knife set was the most expensive junk I never used. The ab cruncher was used a few months after a year. Coffee from the fancy coffee maker was no better than Folgers and hot water. Most of my clothes didn't fit after I gained surgery-lost weight back. Gadgets and j u n k filled our apt. until The Salvation Army saved me.



All this ordering led to many conversations with customer service representatives. And was that ever an eye-opener! I had thought my own call center with the city utilities was the worst ever--NOT! The level of service "out there" was awful. I began asking how long they had held their job. The average was about 6 months, but they used ever old trick in the book to "do away with" difficult callers, and by difficult I mean customers whose questions could not be answered due to poor training.



These call center tricks are still used today. Here are a few:

"Let me get your phone number in case I lose you." Translation: If you confuse me I am hanging up on you and good luck. (Don't bother asking for the name they give you, 75% of the time those names are phony. The other 25% you will be told that person is busy.) (And that is NO lie, because after they hang up on you they leave their desk area, IF you even reach a call center in the same state or country as "Mary" was in.)



You call, it rings, you think someone picks up, but you hear dead air---you are on mute and will be disconnected if you don't hang up in a few minutes. The mute button is used in Psychic Hot Lines too. Not only does it add minutes to your bill, but while you are listening to music, you start chatting with your sister (for example) about Mom passing away or your boyfriend who might be two-timing you. Don't believe me? Try it sometime you have money to waste, mention a name and wait for the psychic to mention same name. Mute buttons should be removed from all call center phones--PERIOD.

If you are calling to make payment arrangements on a delinquent bill, watch what you say while listening to the "hold-music," reps can HEAR you, so when you brag about how much money you have and how you will fake poverty---busted, baby.

"I'll let you speak to my supervisor." Translation: I am going to transfer you to another rep. who has been here less than me, I'm just sick of you.

"This call may be recorded for quality assurance." Translation: There is a 99.9% probability that this call is NOT being recorded.

"I'll call you back when I check on this." Translation: I am not calling you back. (75% of the time)
" I'll note that you called on the computer." Translation: I am going to lunch, there will be no notes about this call.
"Bob speaking." Translation: "Manuel speaking." (Or pick any name.) 90%
"We are not allowed to give out our last names." Translation: I don't want you to be able to hold me accountable, so I don't want to give you my last name. OR I'm scared to give you my last name, even though I have YOUR name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number....

"I'm in Texas." Translation: I'm in India. 50%

"Your wait time should be 10 minutes." Translation: Grab a book to read or meditate, you may be disconnected shortly.

"Hello? Hello? I can't hear you." Translation: I am lazy and want to go get a Coke. Call back and try for somebody who cares.

"I'll have to ask the supervisor if I can remove the late fee." Translation: I'm going to take a whiz while this dope is on hold.

"It is the only way it can be done." Translation: This is the only way I 1.)Want to do it OR 2.) Know how to do it.

This list goes on. Keep in mind that you are speaking with the least paid person in customer service and they probably have not held their job two years. They have a script in front of them and don't know how to deviate or think for themselves. They have a mountain of info on YOU, but you have NONE on them. They have all the power.

Take back the power. They should move heaven and hell to satisfy you and they should do it with a smile. 9x out of 10---YOU are RIGHT and THEY are wrong. Pressing zero to skip a phone tree recording no longer works. Shockingly, everyone wanted to speak to a real person! IMAGINE! A comapany that denies you a chance to speak to a real person, is not a company you want to deal with.

Ask immediately how long they have worked there, if it is under 2 years, ask to speak to a supervisor. If the supervisor treats you poorly, ask to speak to THEIR supervisor---EVERYONE has a supervisor. A mayor answers to city council and city council answers to citizens. The owner of a corporation answers to his board of directors who all answer to their stock holders and CUSTOMERS. (And often the laws of government or arms of some Federal agency.)