When a Broken Heart Bleeds

You drew me in. I fell hard. But I could see no good outcome, so I held back.

You asked me to kiss you. But I walked to your bedroom window and gazed out, knowing that if I proceeded, my life would never be the same. I had a gut feeling you would leave me too soon.

With the kiss, I looked into your eyes, your soul, and told you, "NO one will ever love you as much as I will." We made 15 year old love.

You made promises. You wrote love letters. You spent many nights with me. We spent hours on the phone. You took me to horse shows, you took me in your mother's house, your employee's van, wherever you wanted to go I made sure you got there safely.

Did I ever tell you I never cried before I met you? First in front of my mom when I asked her for money for YOU, for that VW bug you wanted...I had never asked my mother for money like that. Did you pay her back? Did I? Your hard luck step dad story got my mom and me. She knew how my heart ached to see you happy. Since you dumped me I cry a lot.

You cried in jealous anger about another girl, an old friend of mine. I reassured you, but there was a moment that night that I thought of leaving you...I could feel the end was near.

My dresser drawer was filled with love letters from you. I kept them because I knew one day you would lie. How did I know? I knew you.

Then without reason you turned cold to me. I kept asking why? You said nothing.

You rode off from my bedroom to my older brother's waiting motorcycle. You were gone for hours. I cried and screamed at you, my mom in the next room, when you finally returned. You said it was nothing. but he was a me in men's attire---perfect hiding place for you, perfect transition away from me and you took it. I was 18, had the apt. we planned for after high school all ready--you picked out the couch. It ended up with you and him in the apt. below me.

At that point on, you showed me no mercy. You joined him at our family holiday gatherings. My mother knew what game you were playing. I will never tell you what she said about women like you. But she promised ME that he would never marry you. She was right.

When I found another, after years of your cutting away at my heart, you asked me to sit in your shiny new Firebird. "Keep in touch," you said. Looking straight ahead, I asked, "Why?"

"Don't you think people can change?" you said. "Sure they can," I replied, "after trauma, after they lose their father or are hurt in a car crash." That was all we said. Did you think of my words when your father died within the next 6 months and you almost died in a car crash? DID YOU change?

Whatever happened to you, you predictably erased me, us, from your memory. You rewrote our years together. I knew you would. When and where did truth begin and end with you? You broke up with my brother a few weeks after I moved out of state. It never would have worked, you both were too immature and selfish. How many husbands did you have after?

You told me you were ugly. I only saw beauty. Even with each dagger you twisted in me. I TOLD you no one would ever love you more. As the song goes: You were the best thing that never happened to me. -Beyounce

Yes, I dodged a bullet with you. I bet you are not mature enough even now to care for and about a person with a disability like me.

To say I wish I'd never met you would be a lie. You opened my heart. I just wish you hadn't left it bleeding. But battle scars form and we were not meant to be a team. You chose and I respect that. I do resent that you lied so much to so many about us. It just makes you look silly, they all knew.

Everyone knew but you.