Chatty Cathy Where Did You Go? Told I'm Old

Sitting here thinking about how old I am.

This must be what old people do. That's right, I said it. You think not? Check it out:

My body is decomposing before my eyes. There is starting to be more of me all around me than of me. Huh? My skin is coming off, little by little, hour by hour. My hair falls out and leaves bald spots. My eyes seep. My ears are spitting out some ear stuff. I use the toilet more, so my insides are leaving too. And the noises.

My body makes noises of an old bicycle. It creaks, it cracks, and it lets out these SIGHS whenever I sit or stand or reach or ___. S I G H OOMMPF UHHH

My face is growing things, stuff---bumps, patches, hair where I don't need hair.

And I want to start drinking hard liquor. I have the urge to do stuff I never did before. Tick tock, tick tock. The sands of time are running out, instead of me running on the sands.

My mail is from AARP, Medicare, Adult diaper salesmen. My magazine rack holds AARP Mag, The Guide to Medicare, The Vermont Country Store, and Adult diaper catalogs.

Not only do I not know who Snookie is, I don't care. Justin Timberlake looks like a little boy. Gunsmoke reruns are a staple and I keep saying, "Oh, darn, it's a repeat." ('cause it says "repeat" on the TV guide--DUH)

What? You are experiencing the same things? Come with me. For me, color TV was once an impossibility. Thirty minute 'TV Dinners' was Jetson FAST. And soooo delicious.

Chatty Cathy was 'high tech,' and a man on the moon was sci-fi. You stuck your hand in a candy jar in a store and no one thought a thing about it. There were no helmets or seat belts, unless you were in a tank. Sonic booms were a big thrill. HUGE.

Newspapers were a must have. Even poor people had them. And we didn't throw them away after reading. SO MUCH they were used for, especially wrapping food and if you ran out of toilet paper.

Every family had family in the war or just out. A WORLD WAR.

My favorite game was the Sears catalog. Close eyes, next player turns to a page, you must blindly let your finger drop on...A BRA!!! Many laughs!! OR, a puppy! YEA! Jackpot.

We didn't have Google, we had a thing called "Library." And our search engine was in the basement---boxes of old papers. No "cut and paste" it was "tear and hammer." OR, we relied heavily on a wonderful must-have: THE PENCIL.

Anyway...I'm just sitting here thinking about how old I am and why the skin UNDER my knees is wrinkling...