Adult Bully=Adult Baby OR Bullies Are Forever

One more thought about bullies: Humans who bully come in all ages, children and adults. As I read many blogs, I read of bullying by family members, co-workers, politicians, company representatives we must deal with, so the "It Gets Better" idea is true for certain types of bullying, but really life is full of bullies. The most important thing to remember is that there are more humans who do NOT bully than there are bullies.

In school, you need to tell an adult whom you trust. When you are gay, it is hard to tell your parents, "I am teased because I am gay." First, a child may not know they are this horrible thing called "gay," and second, they may know that they ARE this gay thing that their parents have taught them is a horrible thing, a sin! THAT kind of bullying does get better, because as you grow up you will find many others who are gay, maybe move to a big city full of gay people.

In adult life, bullies live on. When I moved into a retirement community, I expected mature adults with good manners. What I found was a group of bullies who ran the Bridge game nights. (Again, the majority of residents here are kind and far from bullies.) Now, as an adult, you have the choice to avoid such bullies. But, I wanted to learn to play Bridge. They told lies about me, they made fun of me, they shouted at me, they ganged up against me, but I stuck with it. I kept showing up. I learned to play Bridge in spite of them and I learned to beat them at Bridge. I did not stoop to their childish level. Others who live here had looked up to them as leaders of this community. (They tried to bully me at my first resident council meeting where I presided as president. I took the head bully aside and told her, "No more. Your actions are keeping others from expressing their opinions. Meetings will be run THIS way..." She never interrupted again.
Sometimes bullies just need to be confronted, told that YOU will not be or allow anyone to be bullied. Adult bullies KNOW that they are in the minority.

On the job, I had a bully. She didn't approve of my friends. She didn't approve of my lack of speaking out about issues she felt I should. She didn't approve of my reading materials. (I wasn't anti-men enough for her. I wasn't anti-men at all.) She would stand at my cubicle and trash me to my face. She would try to embarrass me at staff meetings, once brushing dandruff off my shoulder as I was speaking, kid-stuff. Then she actually HIT me as she passed by in our hall at work. I was using a scooter for the MS at the time. Of course, as was her way---no witnesses. But she had been bullying other employees for many years and the hit was the last straw. I began the complaint process through Human Resources, nothing much came of it. So, I wrote to my immediate supervisor and hers that the next time I call the police and press charges. I also wrote to our Director. Finally they began to pass out info about what will happen to you if you do such things as bully a co-worker. Everyone knew it was her, she was THE bully and after about a month she was suspended for bullying someone else. On the job, you must document the bullying, tell your boss, then let it be known that you will take action that will shed a bad light on the company or your boss---adults take the path of least resistance. Remember, EVERYONE has a boss. No, you say? The "Boss" is the owner? Big deal, the boss of the owner are the customers.

So, bullying never ends, we must fight back and show that we refuse to be bullied. Yes, words hurt, but life is never free of pain, word-hurt is a hurt we can conquer by not letting words have power over us. We may bleed, we may scar, but we also heal. Be a bully healer for yourself and others. One bully at a time.

What happened to the bullies? The co-worker retired with no party. The oldest Bridge player is unable to play anymore due to heart failure, those mink stoles she wore to games are now swear pants and sweat shirt. The next woman's Alzheimer took hold, she moved out a week ago. The next told me he is dying and I haven't seen him in over a month. Do I forgive them? I am not a God. I am not a preist with hail Mary's to dispence and none of them give a hoot about forgiveness that I can see. I always felt pity for them, I still do. Bullies are weak people, afraid to be shown for what they are. I am sad for each of them as I have always been. To forgive is the opposite of holding a grudge. I never held a grudge against them. Like I said, I felt sorry for them.

Never have I known a bully to live a happy, strong, life; at least not on the inside. Build your own insides to be happy and strong. Take the path less chosen and hold onto hope, have faith in yourself and the bullies will fade away.

Do you have any additional advice? I think we all have had to deal with a bully or two.