Comments on A Stellarlife: Charity to Over Spenders. What do I Get?

J, I'm counting on O-Man to save the day. Your fut...

2008-07-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

J, I'm counting on O-Man to save the day. Your future will be bright. Yes! This is freakin America, land of opportunity.

thnks for showing me wuh i hav to look forward to ...

2008-07-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

thnks for showing me wuh i hav to look forward to diane!

my dad was a saver, my mum is a spender. so im a saver for the most part.

i remember my dad going upstairs to his office, and balancing his cheque book. it was gud for them to hav seperate checking accounts too.
my dad was a giver too. the lost and bewildered nunnery of s. florida, the fraternal order of morbidly obese ky firefighters, etc. haha

even if ur in a tuff spot right now, ur still in a better position than other people are. atleast u'll know how to survive if/when the hard times come.

ive helpd out extended family members in the past, and dont hav a problem with it.

i fork over a paycheque every month to my mum for household bills and frankly, it makes me very resentful. i see coworkers of mine with cars, nice things and im like, why cant i spend my own money on myself and things that i need?

one of my coworkers is a refugee from eastern europe. she has been in the u.s. for 11 yrs. she and her family came to the u.s. with only the clothes on their backs, livd in a bad neighbourhod for 6 yrs, saved and now liv in a nice suburb. it makes me really upset too, i mean i save, i take the bus, ive worked 2 jobs at a time, and what am i rewarded with? a stack of bills that arent even mine that i am guilted into paying!

doesnt help that the price of living is increasing in central ky....

I have a feeling, lady Di, that even at 80 and if ...

2008-07-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling, lady Di, that even at 80 and if you don't even remember your name, you'd probably still take some caretaker's head off if they ever said queer and lady in the same sentence. :-) Scary you.

D R O W S E Y M O N K E YSoooooo YOU ARE...

2008-07-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

D R O W S E Y M O N K E Y
Soooooo
YOU ARE THE ONE!
How DARE you? (hear that in Ellen's voice) (or Marlon Brando in The Godfather) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Denver, you are a teacher! We (American Govnt) tre...

2008-07-20T22:52:00.000-07:00

Denver, you are a teacher! We (American Govnt) treat our teachers like street sweepers from jail work-release programs! DON'T GET ME STARTED! How teachers have money left to save is beyond me!

tt, yeppers. Look, I'm just ranting, I neever felt poor as a kid and I certainly don't fel poor now. I am overly rich in love, a beautiful home, and the happy gene. PLUS! Bush is just under 6 months from being out of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jaime, I sometimes get all Godly and wonder, ok, s...

2008-07-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Jaime, I sometimes get all Godly and wonder, ok, sir, I got integrity, dignity, righteousness(hear that said in Rev. Wright's voice) I've thrown twenties to the homeless and donate my used furniture instead of selling it, so, ok, my reward is in the doing. Ok, Ok.

Blinders O, I hear THAT! I knew a woman who NEVER ...

2008-07-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

Blinders O, I hear THAT! I knew a woman who NEVER WORKED FULL TIME an entire year of her life after having(and for many years before) 2 kids. Always the excuse, "Daycare costs more..." Her husband had a low paying job, wanted to be an artist(that never got to happen)but instead worked his a** off for his family. She never go my hits that, sure maybe you will only take home $100 after daycare, BUT THAT's $100 you don't have NOW and you work hard and promote. Now, she did NO chores at home, dirty house, dirty dishes PILED in sink every visit, I finally said "never again" when our dinner invitation included dirty spoons/forks/plates with caked on food. When kids turned 13 up to 18 she would work just long enough to get unemployment then quit. What a great example for her kids. My curren caegiver is a single young mother, kids in daycare, and she works her butt off, will do any honest job no matter what. THAT is a good mother, like you---and children are always watching and it all sticks with them.

Dour, PLEEZZZ, not with the "ladies"--I hate that ...

2008-07-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

Dour, PLEEZZZ, not with the "ladies"--I hate that word when used to describe me. I am not 100% sure WHY I hate ie, but I'd rather be called QUEER! (LOL)
"guys" I like, it is what I've always used and have been toldoff on occasional by some women, fine, to each his own, but "guys" to me is all encompassing friendly address. I think when I am 80 the nuesing home staff better call me "guys" or Diane (Nobody will EVER call me DJ, as I've posted before, so...well DJ is a fight for another day. (LOL by 80 I won't REMEMBER my name!) Now, what the hell was your comment, let me scroll and come rigt back. Oh, ok,
true that.

Even though I'm admittedly not a saver and never h...

2008-07-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm admittedly not a saver and never have been, it obviously pisses me off Lisa's (and apparently too Diane's) situations of being denied when applying for needed assistance just because you're, well, too responsible!!! That pisses me off. I'm not so responsible (it's a choice) but would still no doubt be good to go if I got the MS or anything else really. While you guys, I mean ladies, and others are left to blow your nest eggs for care that should really be readily available for all. More proof of the system sucking at every level.

Perfect title Diane, I will never forget when I di...

2008-07-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

Perfect title Diane, I will never forget when I divorced my first husband and I sought assistance with daycare for two small children because my income dramatically changed.

I was bitter for a long time when I was denied because I made a few dollars over the required income level. I was bitter because as I got up to go to work daily, there were people living off the system not doing a damn thing and was able to have their childcare paid for in full. I seriously thought about quitting my job because it would have been easier to do what I witness many people doing, but I was not raise that way instead I got a part time job.

Our Government is backwards because they punish the ones who work hard.

Yeah, I've never been a saver or very smart with w...

2008-07-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I've never been a saver or very smart with what little money I've had ... soooooo..... 'nuf said, LOL.

Some excellent points here. I see us spending nea...

2008-07-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

Some excellent points here. I see us spending near the top of our limit for the first time and it's not ideal. We save a little but the minute something on the house, the cars or me breaks, we're screwed.
I look forward to my upcoming raise and I don't plan on getting in any deeper. I don't want to be one of those losing their home and burdening the system.

Jamie, no prob. Keep him in the basement....oooooo...

2008-07-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Jamie, no prob. Keep him in the basement....oooooo

4....hmmmmm

Diane, I can understand your point of view as I th...

2008-07-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Diane,
I can understand your point of view as I think there is a real problem in this country of people not being responsible with money, focusing more on materialistic things and how they look rather than what they can afford. On the other hand, there are those of us who have had a raw deal handed to us, i.e. our illness prevents us from making the kind of money we once did or may have been able and after going through our savings, etc. we have to now rely on programs like SSDI and charities. This is after all what most charities are set up for anyway, to help those who really need it. Thing I have learned is that nothing really is fair and there is only so much that we have control over. I suppose the reward is that we know we have done the best we know how under unfortunate circumstances. That's something!
Jaime

Diane, Sorry it took me so long to get this back t...

2008-07-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

Diane,
Sorry it took me so long to get this back to you. Life has been hell recently! So, here we go....
1. What is your occupation right now? Medical Patient...actually I don't work any more, but I volunteer when I can.
2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing any...it's too hot outside!
3. What are you listening to right now? the TV.
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Crackers.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, actually my car is a stick only that can be a real pain when my MS is acting up cause then I prefer to not drive....anyone have an automatic they want to sell me?
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom this morning.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Would I do this if I didn’t? - Diane's answer but seeing how it is such a great answer I'm keeping it!
8. How old are you today? Turned 32 on Friday!
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Not really big into sports on TV. I do enjoy them live though...I suppose if I had to pick one I would say football.
10. What is your favorite drink? Don't really have one.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep!
12. Favorite food? I love bread!
13. What is the last movie you watched? Deffinately, Maybe
14. Favorite day of the year? Don't really have one. I do love the holidays though...end of October through the first of January!
15. How do you vent anger? Depends on who or what angers me.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? I can't remember having a favorite toy.
17. What is your favorite season? Fall! I love the fact that the weather is cooling off and it is just so pretty with the trees changing colors.
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries! I like blueberries, but prefer cherries.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail(blog) you back? Sure! Why not?
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Not really sure
21. Who is least likely to respond? Not sure
22. Living arrangements? Live with my son, ex-husband (not to worry, he has his own area...my basement), and our dog, Buddy!
23. When was the last time you cried? Friday.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest {that you are sending to}? ?
26. What did you do last night? Had my birthday dinner with my family at my parents house. My grandma and uncle were there too!
27. What are you most afraid of? My health deteroriating to the point that I can't be there for my son. Missing out on all the wonerful things of his life.
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
29. Favorite dog breed? Don't have a favorite breed, but my favorite dog is our dog Buddy! He is the best. :)
30. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
31. What is your favorite number? 4
32. Diamonds or pearls? Silly questions....hello, Diamonds!
33. What is your favorite flower? hmmm...this one is hard as I love flowers. I do love orchids, anything exotic, really the only one I don't like is carnations, but even carnations are good when in a bouquet!

I second that Amen from Lisa!!I learned the hard w...

2008-07-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

I second that Amen from Lisa!!
I learned the hard way when it came to bailing someone out... :(

why is it people don't think twice about becoming 'house rich' and cash poor'....
It's a head scratcher.

Jasmine, SO TRUE! And I love Suzi. She and I AND Y...

2008-07-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

Jasmine, SO TRUE! And I love Suzi. She and I AND YOU should have coffee some day.(She will buy, of course.) BTW, that saying, "No," is true about most of life. Good advice.

Lisa, I so hear that. I am always a thousand/year ...

2008-07-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

Lisa, I so hear that. I am always a thousand/year over assistance. I should have quit working years ago when it was all I could do to get out of bed, dress, pick up a pen; but no, I could still pick up the pen and dress in 2hrs, so I worked. Now I'm screwed. (AND paying for those who jumped on SSDI the day after being dx MS. Stupid me, I worked for 14 years after. Grrrrr) Maybe you and I will move in a dirty, cheap Medicare nursing home one day, after the nice place quickly takes our savings. IT NEVER ENDS!

Doug, oh I agree. I am referring to people who had...

2008-07-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

Doug, oh I agree. I am referring to people who had no back-up savings and never tried saving, and accepted morgages more than their salary was able to handle. And Lisa brings up another issue that I too have experienced. We are taught to save, but then we are punished while those that fly to Vegas and bow their money get the govt assistance. I don't begudge any hard-working people living in a modest home whose job was taken away. They are who these programs are for and I am happy to pay for that. It is the "OTHERS" I am irked about.

I love Suze Orman's philosphy of saying no out of ...

2008-07-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

I love Suze Orman's philosphy of saying no out of love instead of yes out of fear. Copied from http://www.oprah.com/money/relationships/200801/suze_intervene_b3.jhtml

"If you truly love someone who is in financial trouble, here's what you need to really help:

1. Say No
When you really love someone, you are to say no to their request for a financial bailout. The truth is that your money is not the solution to their problem. Only they have the tools to permanently fix their problem: the intention and determination to pull themselves out of their financial fix.

Saying no is also the most respectful response. For if you were to say yes, the person you give the money to will sooner than later start to lose all sense of self-respect. Moreover, by saying yes you have been disrespectful to yourself—that is your hard-earned money you are giving away to someone you know deep down has yet to learn how to be respectful with money.

Do not fear that they will love you less for saying no. It may take some time and talking to get them to understand where you are coming from, but in the end they will have infinite love for your desire to truly help them find their inner power to bail themselves out of any financial bind.

Repeat this to yourself: I will say no out of love, verses yes out of fear."

Ooohhhh...oohhhh...ooohhhhh.Diane- Amen!!!I manage...

2008-07-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Ooohhhh...oohhhh...ooohhhhh.

Diane- Amen!!!

I managed to spend 10 years in college and come out debt-free. Now I did have help with paying rent during some of those years from my mom.

I have always been an excellent saver. In high school, my youth orchestra took a 3-week tour of Scandinavia. After lots of fund-raisers, each performer still needed to contribute about $500 to the trip. I used my personal savings from birthday cash and babysitting to pay for the trip.

During college years, I saved as much as possible from working library jobs, performing in regional orchestras, and accompanying others during recitals and juries.

After moving to DC area, I continued saving as much as possible. In fact, in 2001 when my mother was looking to buy a house in the area and was concerned about the amount needed for a down payment, I offered my savings. We continue to share that same house where I have space for my own music studio. During that first year in addition to the down payment($20k), I purchased a grand piano($15k), bedroom furniture($5k), and other household furniture($10k). My bank accounts dwindled down to almost $0 during that year, but I continued to work and save.

In order to maximize my potential Social Security benefit in the future and to validate my earning potential for future home-purchasing ability, I passed up deductions on my taxes.

At the end of 2005 when I was dx MS, I applied for assistance from NORD for copaxone. They required bank statements and the previous year's taxes (since I'm self-employed) to verify earnings. With this information I was awarded 'partial' assistance. I appealed. In 2006, appeal denied and I was told that even with an AGI of ~$26k and ~$50k in retirement and savings, I was told that I only qualified for 27% assistance and that they were generous to bump that up to 50%. I ended up paying $16k out-of-pocket for medical in 2006 while I earned much less.

It bothers me tremendously to work so hard for years and to be frugal in my spending only to be told that I must spend my future financial security on medication which should be provided by an assistance program. I don't make a habit of asking for help and I certainly don't rack up debt for luxury or much-too-expensive items.

I don't own a house and I pay my debt monthly. It bothers me that folks who obviously extended themselves beyond their means are getting help from the government and I'm still unable to afford to buy a house. With much less savings available to do so and retirement accounts which are dropping in value. Aargh. Makes me mad too.

This one's a touchy subject. I see your point, but...

2008-07-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

This one's a touchy subject. I see your point, but also recognize that not everyone in dire straits falls into the category of selfish, overspending and shortsighted. I don't know, I see both sides on this one.